I demand a do over
I just went through all the kids candy. You know...to inspect it for butcher knives & explosives & such.
Not one single Milky Way in the whole lot.
*sooooooooo disapppointed*
Monday, October 31, 2005
It was a very Busy dream.
Last night I dreamt I was at a hotel with a whole buncha blog buddies.
The key person in the dream was Busy Mom.
There was a row of hotel rooms reserved for the blog crowd and we were all dropping off our bags, coolers and whatnot in our rooms. I was sharing a room with Busy Mom which initially seemed so much better than the idea of sharing with Buzz or JJJJB.
As I entered the room I noticed Busy Mom had loaded up the damn fridge with juice boxes not leaving an inch of space for my beer.
That's when I realized it was a nightmare.
*shivers*
The key person in the dream was Busy Mom.
There was a row of hotel rooms reserved for the blog crowd and we were all dropping off our bags, coolers and whatnot in our rooms. I was sharing a room with Busy Mom which initially seemed so much better than the idea of sharing with Buzz or JJJJB.
As I entered the room I noticed Busy Mom had loaded up the damn fridge with juice boxes not leaving an inch of space for my beer.
That's when I realized it was a nightmare.
*shivers*
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Daydream believer
Someday a male significantly older than the age of 5 will leap into my bed in the morning and announce with great excitement, "Watch me shake my butt!!"
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Large bills, small bills, hell I'd take this in dimes...
My blog is worth $89,761.86.
How much is your blog worth?
I wonder if this will convince the makers of Miller Genuine Draft to sponsor my blog?
(Found at Susan's place.)
Friday, October 28, 2005
Operation Love Me Tender
Attention troops! This is your Captain and I have an announcement to make.
I don't think it will come as a surpise to anyone when I say that my relationship with TLMS was a really positive experience for me. Start to finish it was really the most mature and respectful relationship I have ever experienced during my lifetime.
The greatest gift to come out of that relationship is that for the first time ever I feel really optimistic and hopeful about the idea of being in a relationship with someone.
I have learned that I have a lot to offer and I am no longer afraid to receive care and affection from another person. I don't feel burdened with baggage or bad feelings. I have learned to expect the best not the worst.
Have you ever gotten to the end of a relationship feeling wounded, hurt, angry, broken, rejected or betrayed? I have and in the past those feelings made it difficult if not impossible for me to consider looking for another relationship. They left me feeling bitter and wondering why in the hell I should ever bother with finding love ever again.
I now know why I should bother.
I'm not bitter, angry or wounded. I am optimistic about my ability to be in a successful relationship and I believe I can evolve this newly discovered piece of myself into something amazing. The possibilities excite me. My life is great and how great it would be to share it with somebody someday. How great it would be to be a part of someone else's great life.
Many of my longtime readers are probably reading this and wondering if an alien has zapped my brain into mush.
Who are you and what did you do with the real Kathy Howe!?!?
I am in love with the idea of being in love, dear friends.
Kathy Howe doesn't talk like that!
She does now.
All the fears I had about relationships before are gone. I'm not saying they are gone forever, that I am somehow eternally cured, but right now I feel confident that I can make good choices about men. I have finally abandoned all my baggage from relationships gone by. It is a very free feeling.
All the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore.
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh.
it's my mouth that pushes out this breath.
~Sarah McLachlan
In short my announcement is this:
I will not be returning to my dating hiatus.
The sun keeps shining, the birds are still singing, kegs of beer continue to flow, life is good and I'm going on a date in one month.
Operation Love Me Tender is scheduled for mid-November.
Over time I suspect that I will carefully reveal more information about Operation Love Me Tender while obviously being respectful of his privacy and mine.
I will also have to come up with a good moniker for him.
As I have said a thousand times before, protecting the privacy of the people that I write about here, the people that I share my life with, is incredibly important to me. I share people here because they play important roles in my life. I would never hope to bring hurt or harm to anyone that I choose to share with all of you.
I will tell you this much:
While he is someone I have known for awhile, he is not someone I have ever directly written about here on Kazoofus. He has many wonderful qualities and from what I can tell he meets my initial set of requirements for a man. He comes with no red flags, critical flaws or questionable characteristics whatsoever.
It seems that the idiot magnet that was once affixed to my ass has gone missing.
It is nice to be free of dead weight.
Life is whatever you decide you want it to be, friends and I declare my life to be very, very good.
In my head: Love Me Tender by Elvis Presley
I don't think it will come as a surpise to anyone when I say that my relationship with TLMS was a really positive experience for me. Start to finish it was really the most mature and respectful relationship I have ever experienced during my lifetime.
The greatest gift to come out of that relationship is that for the first time ever I feel really optimistic and hopeful about the idea of being in a relationship with someone.
I have learned that I have a lot to offer and I am no longer afraid to receive care and affection from another person. I don't feel burdened with baggage or bad feelings. I have learned to expect the best not the worst.
Have you ever gotten to the end of a relationship feeling wounded, hurt, angry, broken, rejected or betrayed? I have and in the past those feelings made it difficult if not impossible for me to consider looking for another relationship. They left me feeling bitter and wondering why in the hell I should ever bother with finding love ever again.
I now know why I should bother.
I'm not bitter, angry or wounded. I am optimistic about my ability to be in a successful relationship and I believe I can evolve this newly discovered piece of myself into something amazing. The possibilities excite me. My life is great and how great it would be to share it with somebody someday. How great it would be to be a part of someone else's great life.
Many of my longtime readers are probably reading this and wondering if an alien has zapped my brain into mush.
I am in love with the idea of being in love, dear friends.
Kathy Howe doesn't talk like that!
She does now.
All the fears I had about relationships before are gone. I'm not saying they are gone forever, that I am somehow eternally cured, but right now I feel confident that I can make good choices about men. I have finally abandoned all my baggage from relationships gone by. It is a very free feeling.
All the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore.
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh.
it's my mouth that pushes out this breath.
~Sarah McLachlan
In short my announcement is this:
I will not be returning to my dating hiatus.
The sun keeps shining, the birds are still singing, kegs of beer continue to flow, life is good and I'm going on a date in one month.
Operation Love Me Tender is scheduled for mid-November.
Over time I suspect that I will carefully reveal more information about Operation Love Me Tender while obviously being respectful of his privacy and mine.
I will also have to come up with a good moniker for him.
As I have said a thousand times before, protecting the privacy of the people that I write about here, the people that I share my life with, is incredibly important to me. I share people here because they play important roles in my life. I would never hope to bring hurt or harm to anyone that I choose to share with all of you.
I will tell you this much:
While he is someone I have known for awhile, he is not someone I have ever directly written about here on Kazoofus. He has many wonderful qualities and from what I can tell he meets my initial set of requirements for a man. He comes with no red flags, critical flaws or questionable characteristics whatsoever.
It seems that the idiot magnet that was once affixed to my ass has gone missing.
It is nice to be free of dead weight.
Life is whatever you decide you want it to be, friends and I declare my life to be very, very good.
In my head: Love Me Tender by Elvis Presley
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
This goes perfectly with my librarian reputation
| Your 80s Heartthrob Is |
 Bill Gates |
Stolen from Keri who was punished with that eyesore Chachi in her quiz.
I have got to give clearer instructions
Before the boy child went out to play I explained to him that he would need to take his shoes off outside before he could come back inside.
Twenty minutes later I called the little darling inside & while I finished in the kitchen I shouted a cheerful reminder.
When I got to the table with his plate I found him setting his muddy& poopy shoes on the dining room table.
His response?
"You SAID you didn't want my shoes on the FLOOR!"
WTH
I just went thru all my travel mail that the post office held for me last week. Much to my surprise I found two birthday cards addressed to me.
My birthday was in August.
Thank you mom & j-mo.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
*urp*
My garbage disposal just barfed all over the damn ceiling. Shot right up out of the sink like a dogdamn volcano.
Homeownership is fun...wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
Hard to be on blog hiatus when your life is littered with blog fodder.
Homeownership is fun...wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
Hard to be on blog hiatus when your life is littered with blog fodder.
Monday, October 24, 2005
This is your Captain.
In the interest of passenger safety I am parking my plane ass Kazoofus for the remainder of the week.
Things to do while thecat ass Captain is away:
1. Do something nice for someone.
2. Call or email someone you haven't talked to for a long time.
3. Step away from the computer and go for a walk.
4. Stare out the window at the pretty blue sky...for hours.
5. Meditate.
6. Count your blessings.
7. Send someone a card for no reason at all.
8. Put ABC Rhymes in my comments.
9. Throw a frisbee for your dog.
10. Close your eyes and visualize the colors of the rainbow. Associate something wonderful with each color.
Over and out.
Things to do while the
1. Do something nice for someone.
2. Call or email someone you haven't talked to for a long time.
3. Step away from the computer and go for a walk.
4. Stare out the window at the pretty blue sky...for hours.
5. Meditate.
6. Count your blessings.
7. Send someone a card for no reason at all.
8. Put ABC Rhymes in my comments.
9. Throw a frisbee for your dog.
10. Close your eyes and visualize the colors of the rainbow. Associate something wonderful with each color.
Over and out.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
You don't have to go home but you can't stay here.
Jesus Hubert Christ Almighty.
I love my father very much but I'm afraid I am going to have to kick his ass and send him home.
It is 11:15 on Sunday night and I was jarred out of bed from my very nice slumber by very loud banging from somewhere downstairs. The very loud banging was promptly followed by two insane barking dogs one of which was barking outside my bedroom door.
My first thought was that he was banging on the door because he had managed to lock himself out again.
Oh no. That wasn't it.
I slipped on my slippers & shuffled downstairs to find him hammering in my garage. He just needed to fix something for me real quick.
*In the middle of the night!?!?*
I didn't even know I had anything in the garage that was broken.
*grumbles*
These are the days of my life.
1. If you open the fridge door and notice that the jelly jar is falling out as the door opens back the hell up and let it fall to the ground uninterupted. Attempting to catch it is a bad, bad idea. Ouch.
2. If you want to get your fathers attention open your garage door, scream loudly then slam the door. If that doesn't make the old man run, nothing will. RIP dearly departed squirrel that was left for me on my garage floor.
3. Because I am a firm believer in thinking happy thoughts, I bought myself daisies today. They are presently on the nightstand next to my bed. Daisies, sunshine, puppies and beer. Life is still good, amigos.
4. My dad stayed at my house while I was in Arizona this past week. On Friday morning at 12:30 AM I arrived home, hauled my tired self and suitcases upstairs and found my bed turned down and a welcome home note from my dad on my pillow. It is nice to be missed.
5. While my dad has been here he managed to lock himself out of my house. Instead of waiting for me to get home he drilled my door knob off my door and installed a new one. What...we don't have locksmiths in this town?
6. While I was in Arizona I was stood up by two cabs I reserved. The first one had me late for a meeting, the second had my late to the airport. Guess what I think of Arizona transportation right now?
7. My "check gages" light came on in my truck this weekend. Why the hell not. Broken relationship, broken hand, broken jelly jar, broken truck. I sense a trend.
8. If my dog doesn't stop pacing the house I might break his legs. driving.me.nuts.
9. Last night I told The Boy he needs to stop checking in on me and asking me how I'm doing with the break-up with TLMS. He is starting to depress me.
10. If you have never read Max Ehrman's, Desiderata go here and read it now. And if you have read it, read it again.
2. If you want to get your fathers attention open your garage door, scream loudly then slam the door. If that doesn't make the old man run, nothing will. RIP dearly departed squirrel that was left for me on my garage floor.
3. Because I am a firm believer in thinking happy thoughts, I bought myself daisies today. They are presently on the nightstand next to my bed. Daisies, sunshine, puppies and beer. Life is still good, amigos.
4. My dad stayed at my house while I was in Arizona this past week. On Friday morning at 12:30 AM I arrived home, hauled my tired self and suitcases upstairs and found my bed turned down and a welcome home note from my dad on my pillow. It is nice to be missed.
5. While my dad has been here he managed to lock himself out of my house. Instead of waiting for me to get home he drilled my door knob off my door and installed a new one. What...we don't have locksmiths in this town?
6. While I was in Arizona I was stood up by two cabs I reserved. The first one had me late for a meeting, the second had my late to the airport. Guess what I think of Arizona transportation right now?
7. My "check gages" light came on in my truck this weekend. Why the hell not. Broken relationship, broken hand, broken jelly jar, broken truck. I sense a trend.
8. If my dog doesn't stop pacing the house I might break his legs. driving.me.nuts.
9. Last night I told The Boy he needs to stop checking in on me and asking me how I'm doing with the break-up with TLMS. He is starting to depress me.
10. If you have never read Max Ehrman's, Desiderata go here and read it now. And if you have read it, read it again.
Who can take the sunshine and sprinkle it with glee...
I’ve resorted to making up my own lyrics for The Candy Man because the real lyrics just weren’t quite cutting it for me.
I really like the quote that Biz left for me in my comments:
“a healthy relationship is when you come away feeling better about yourself.”
I don’t suffer much in the confidence department but my relationship with TLMS made me feel like superstar. He has always treated me so well, with so much respect and care and humor. With him I realized that in the last three years parts of my heart were in a resting state but they were not dead.
It’s alive! It’s alive!
More than feeling better about myself, I also feel better about the idea of relationships post divorce. I am a person that generally dwells in possibility. I tend to believe anything is possible if you put your heart into it but I really had my doubts about ever finding someone I would really want to be in a relationship with. Could I really trust myself in a relationship? Could I trust another person? Could I find someone that shares my philosophies? Could I find someone that made me think and laugh and blush all in the same five minutes? I can.
And I did.
One of my philosophies is that I don’t believe it is ok to trade integrity for the possibility of love. In taking some time to deal with some private items individually TLMS and I are maintaining our individual integrity and protecting the foundation of our relationship. The friendship that we built in two short months is special and unique. Respecting and protecting that foundation and honoring our individual values is important to both of us.
I believe love without integrity isn’t really love at all.
I also believe that all of the calls and emails I have received from people that read Kazoofus have left me stunned. Your love and friendship and support is so very much appreciated. If I haven’t called you back I’m sorry to say I probably won’t be calling you back. I have had actual conversation with only three people in the past few days and I have realized that talking about this is hard right now. I am trying to honor my sadness privately and focus my heart and head on something that I know to be true:
This is not the end of my story with TLMS.
Our story has changed but it is still a good story. It has diverted down a path that we weren’t expecting and that is what makes me sad. When I say that I am sad right now please know that I do not define my sadness as being broken hearted. To me broken hearted would mean that I have lost faith in TLMS and our relationship. It would mean that I have found myself disappointed by the experience of being with him. None of that is true. I am sad because I like him. He is someone that I grew to care about and someone that I have a lot of respect for. He is someone that I trust as a friend and enjoy being with. I like talking to him and spending time with him. The part that makes me sad is that right now I miss him and I suspect I will miss his friendship for several months to come while private things are taken care of. He most definitely did not break my heart.
My heart is in good hands with TLMS.
The best way I can describe how I am feeling, what it is that gives me hope and confidence in my relationship with TLMS is this:
Once upon a time a very dear friend of mine told me to find a partner who would work with me to build a relationship that compares to an annuity: an investment for a lifetime. I very much believe that I have a friend for life in TLMS.
We just made a deposit into our joint account.
I still have a future with TLMS. I still have a presence with him now although it is greatly changed. The details of how the future will play out are wildly unknown. If I had a crystal ball I would use it to see what our future holds but since I don’t I have to trust that in time the answers will come to both of us.
I have had many relationships in my life, romantic and otherwise, that have not gone as I had expected them to go but I believe that they ended up exactly where they needed to be.
I believe this to be true for TLMS and I as well.
The romantic chapter in our story has ended. I consider our friendship to be stronger than ever with no ending in sight.
And I think that is what makes this a really great story.
I really like the quote that Biz left for me in my comments:
“a healthy relationship is when you come away feeling better about yourself.”
I don’t suffer much in the confidence department but my relationship with TLMS made me feel like superstar. He has always treated me so well, with so much respect and care and humor. With him I realized that in the last three years parts of my heart were in a resting state but they were not dead.
It’s alive! It’s alive!
More than feeling better about myself, I also feel better about the idea of relationships post divorce. I am a person that generally dwells in possibility. I tend to believe anything is possible if you put your heart into it but I really had my doubts about ever finding someone I would really want to be in a relationship with. Could I really trust myself in a relationship? Could I trust another person? Could I find someone that shares my philosophies? Could I find someone that made me think and laugh and blush all in the same five minutes? I can.
And I did.
One of my philosophies is that I don’t believe it is ok to trade integrity for the possibility of love. In taking some time to deal with some private items individually TLMS and I are maintaining our individual integrity and protecting the foundation of our relationship. The friendship that we built in two short months is special and unique. Respecting and protecting that foundation and honoring our individual values is important to both of us.
I believe love without integrity isn’t really love at all.
I also believe that all of the calls and emails I have received from people that read Kazoofus have left me stunned. Your love and friendship and support is so very much appreciated. If I haven’t called you back I’m sorry to say I probably won’t be calling you back. I have had actual conversation with only three people in the past few days and I have realized that talking about this is hard right now. I am trying to honor my sadness privately and focus my heart and head on something that I know to be true:
This is not the end of my story with TLMS.
Our story has changed but it is still a good story. It has diverted down a path that we weren’t expecting and that is what makes me sad. When I say that I am sad right now please know that I do not define my sadness as being broken hearted. To me broken hearted would mean that I have lost faith in TLMS and our relationship. It would mean that I have found myself disappointed by the experience of being with him. None of that is true. I am sad because I like him. He is someone that I grew to care about and someone that I have a lot of respect for. He is someone that I trust as a friend and enjoy being with. I like talking to him and spending time with him. The part that makes me sad is that right now I miss him and I suspect I will miss his friendship for several months to come while private things are taken care of. He most definitely did not break my heart.
My heart is in good hands with TLMS.
The best way I can describe how I am feeling, what it is that gives me hope and confidence in my relationship with TLMS is this:
Once upon a time a very dear friend of mine told me to find a partner who would work with me to build a relationship that compares to an annuity: an investment for a lifetime. I very much believe that I have a friend for life in TLMS.
We just made a deposit into our joint account.
I still have a future with TLMS. I still have a presence with him now although it is greatly changed. The details of how the future will play out are wildly unknown. If I had a crystal ball I would use it to see what our future holds but since I don’t I have to trust that in time the answers will come to both of us.
I have had many relationships in my life, romantic and otherwise, that have not gone as I had expected them to go but I believe that they ended up exactly where they needed to be.
I believe this to be true for TLMS and I as well.
The romantic chapter in our story has ended. I consider our friendship to be stronger than ever with no ending in sight.
And I think that is what makes this a really great story.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
*sobbing*
I was just flipping channels & guess who I find on channel 9 singing the national anthem?
Josh Grobin.
Now guess who is sobbing?
I'm starting to think he could sing Chuck Berry's song, "My Ding-A-Ling" & still reduce me to a puddle.
*blows nose*
There's a tear in my beer.
I'm avoiding sad country songs about sad hearts the best I can and The Boy is insisting that I turn my Josh Groban CD over to him seeing as how that can make me cry on even the best of days.
For those of you that don't know what the hell I'm sad about, go here and read my post then read the first comment that TLMS has ever left on this website.
One would think that eventually I'd run out of tears but apparently one would be wrong.
The beer is definitely gone though.
The Boy stayed on the phone with me until 1:30 in the morning. He made me laugh and cry and somehow made sense out of what I thought was incoherent babble through moments violent sobbing.
He told me he is very sorry that The Kathy Howe Ex-Boyfriend Club is now bigger by one which made me laugh and cry all at the same time. I suggested that as the President of my ex-boyfriend club he will need to get busy with getting TLMS enrolled ASAP.
It's a small club and I'm doing my damndest to keep it that way.
I don't really know what I'm going to do with myself today. The Boy has called every hour on the hour since 7am to see how I'm doing and what I'm up to. After the 10am call I decided to get my ass out of bed so I could tell him something new.
He'll be stunned to learn that I'm now blogging.
For those of you that don't know what the hell I'm sad about, go here and read my post then read the first comment that TLMS has ever left on this website.
One would think that eventually I'd run out of tears but apparently one would be wrong.
The beer is definitely gone though.
The Boy stayed on the phone with me until 1:30 in the morning. He made me laugh and cry and somehow made sense out of what I thought was incoherent babble through moments violent sobbing.
He told me he is very sorry that The Kathy Howe Ex-Boyfriend Club is now bigger by one which made me laugh and cry all at the same time. I suggested that as the President of my ex-boyfriend club he will need to get busy with getting TLMS enrolled ASAP.
It's a small club and I'm doing my damndest to keep it that way.
I don't really know what I'm going to do with myself today. The Boy has called every hour on the hour since 7am to see how I'm doing and what I'm up to. After the 10am call I decided to get my ass out of bed so I could tell him something new.
He'll be stunned to learn that I'm now blogging.
Friday, October 21, 2005
My life is a sitcom and not even a very good one.
You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life.
In the midst of traveling and kids and house and work and life in general The Last Man Standing (TLMS) and I have decided that despite all the good times we shared and acknowledging the fact that there was not one single bad time, now is not our time to be together as a couple.
We shook hands, parted with as much grace and good humor as possible and are in agreement that at the very least a tremendous new friendship has been created.
Every wonderful thing I have ever said about him is 100% true and I don't regret the time we spent together. Every minute of it was wonderful.
I now return me to my rather unexpected dating hiatus.
In the midst of traveling and kids and house and work and life in general The Last Man Standing (TLMS) and I have decided that despite all the good times we shared and acknowledging the fact that there was not one single bad time, now is not our time to be together as a couple.
We shook hands, parted with as much grace and good humor as possible and are in agreement that at the very least a tremendous new friendship has been created.
Every wonderful thing I have ever said about him is 100% true and I don't regret the time we spent together. Every minute of it was wonderful.
I now return me to my rather unexpected dating hiatus.
Da plane! Da plane!
I'm home from Arizona. Safe & sound & fully hydrated.
And very, very tired.
The weather was outstanding & my meetings went well. Everything related to transportation sucked ass.
Don't get me started.
The highlight of my trip was meeting up with three teammates from a former project for happy hour. Two of them reside in Arizona. Myself & one other just happened to be in town at the same time.
Pure luck.
It was great to hang out with them & spend time catching up face to face - not just on work but on life as well. They are interesting people in & out of the office.
And lots of fun too.
One of the greatest things about my career is that I have met a lot of really fantastic people. Friendly, funny & talented. People that I get along with on both a personal & professional level.
It's too bad that some of them live so darn far away.
If I find the time & energy this weekend I'll post all the lowlights of trip. All I can say is I'd be sunk if I didn't have a sense of humor.
Now if you'll excuse me, my bed is cleared for landing.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Traveling is fun! Whhhheeeee...
1. I almost missed my flight. Broke a sweat running to the gate.
2. Was upgraded to 1st class as punishment for being late.
3. Plane made it to runway but had to return to the gate to eject a bitchy passenger.
4. Guy next to me talked in his sleep.
5. Watched Batman Begins during flight. I think one of the characters used to play Steve on Days of Our Lives.
6. Guy next to me also snored.
7. Based on all the coughing & sneezing he did while he was awake I'd guess the guy next to me isn't feeling well. Great.
8. Do people really save their purchased headphones for future flights?
9. If ever offered Biscoff I'd suggest you pass.
10. I think a cool job would be to review the products in the Sky Mall magazine. Maybe do some product comparisons: how does their fireplace vacuum differ from a shopvac?
11. The woman seated in front of me had every inch of her hair perfectly curled. I barely have the patience to dry mine in the morning.
12. The case on the airplane pillow could double as medical gauze. Quite sanitary in look & feel.
13. Random Kathy Howe fact: aisle seats make me dizzy during take off & landing. Not nervous or nautious...just dizzy.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
If it weren't for lists we'd forget what to buy
1. Can you NaNoWrimo in list form? In the end would it be a novel or a really long friggen list? Discuss.
2. All ya'all know how much I dislike talking on the phone, right? I am pleased to announce that The Last Man Standing shares that feeling. Sucks to be Ma Bell but damn good to be me.
3. I have already started Christmas shopping. I have also done away with our stupid fake tree which will either force me to go buy a real tree or as my son says, "just get one of those candle things". Even my children think we're Jewish.
4. I decided that playing the lottery is hard and I blame it on full service stations and paying the pump. I haven't actually been INSIDE a gas station in years.
5. The children witnessed Monkey that Cat off two rodents this weekend. My daughter suggested we change his name to Killer and rent him out. Your payment should be large quantities of unmarked catnip in a brown paper sack.
6. I fully support cleanliness but my son can spend a ridiculous amount of time washing his hands. Wipe 'em on yer pants and lets go!
7. Today I noticed someone I used to work with is in the newspaper. I wonder if I can somehow cash in on his newfound celebrity status?
8. I just paid off a big debt this past week and was able to actually convince them to knock $400 off the balance for a payment in full. Now if I can live to be 180 years old I can pay off the rest of my debt.
9. The old Kazoofus isn't being restored because I don't know the first thing about getting the files hosted and it appears my host doesn't offer this type of support. I've decided to adopt the "fast, cheap and easy" philosophy for this site. I just don't give a shit enough to figure it out but if you do...drop me a line.
10. I don't have a number 10. Do you?
2. All ya'all know how much I dislike talking on the phone, right? I am pleased to announce that The Last Man Standing shares that feeling. Sucks to be Ma Bell but damn good to be me.
3. I have already started Christmas shopping. I have also done away with our stupid fake tree which will either force me to go buy a real tree or as my son says, "just get one of those candle things". Even my children think we're Jewish.
4. I decided that playing the lottery is hard and I blame it on full service stations and paying the pump. I haven't actually been INSIDE a gas station in years.
5. The children witnessed Monkey that Cat off two rodents this weekend. My daughter suggested we change his name to Killer and rent him out. Your payment should be large quantities of unmarked catnip in a brown paper sack.
6. I fully support cleanliness but my son can spend a ridiculous amount of time washing his hands. Wipe 'em on yer pants and lets go!
7. Today I noticed someone I used to work with is in the newspaper. I wonder if I can somehow cash in on his newfound celebrity status?
8. I just paid off a big debt this past week and was able to actually convince them to knock $400 off the balance for a payment in full. Now if I can live to be 180 years old I can pay off the rest of my debt.
9. The old Kazoofus isn't being restored because I don't know the first thing about getting the files hosted and it appears my host doesn't offer this type of support. I've decided to adopt the "fast, cheap and easy" philosophy for this site. I just don't give a shit enough to figure it out but if you do...drop me a line.
10. I don't have a number 10. Do you?
Sexy but different
You know how hot women in movies break the heel off their shoe and it looks sexy as hell?
That's not me.
All morning I was hoofing about in my Rocket Dog hiking shoes and they just didn't feel right. Upon closer inspection I noticed the heel is falling off the right shoe.
I can only assume that I broke it when I fell into a hole at the pumpkin patch on Saturday.
I'll take a dash of sex appeal, an ounce of grace and a roll of duct tape, please.
That's not me.
All morning I was hoofing about in my Rocket Dog hiking shoes and they just didn't feel right. Upon closer inspection I noticed the heel is falling off the right shoe.
I can only assume that I broke it when I fell into a hole at the pumpkin patch on Saturday.
I'll take a dash of sex appeal, an ounce of grace and a roll of duct tape, please.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Unearthed.
I realize that some guy has made a bundle off of this discovery but let me just state for the record that I support the idea that men are not of this planet.
Now I'm not going to say anything more than that on the subject - I have identities to protect donchyknow - but I will say this:
Earth to men...come in men...
Now I'm not going to say anything more than that on the subject - I have identities to protect donchyknow - but I will say this:
Earth to men...come in men...
Sunday, October 16, 2005
I work to rest
I can't wait to get back to the office.
Note to self: do not partake in the family tradition of Pumpkin Patches and Apple Orchards on the same weekend that you launch a new family tradition:
Leaf Pile Party
It took Boo Bear less than 60 seconds to fall asleep tonight and his sister wasn't far behind. I think there will be a lot of parents singing KathyHowe praises after their own little cherubs nod off tonight without incident.
It won't be long and I'll be zonked out too.
I can't believe how many leaves these kids can get stuffed into their drawers. My bathroom floor looked like it had a leaf party of it's own going on.
The highlight of the party was when my mop bucket mysteriously ended up out in the middle of the pond. I'm not entirely sure how it got there but I know my daughter played a small role in the event. I missed the photo opp as I rushed to the garage to get the snow rake to fetch out the pail of algae water before it sank too deep.
Have you ever tried keeping an eye on ten kids?
The party was scheduled to go from 1-3 but the locals are a tougher crowd to get rid of since nobody needs to fetch them in a car and haul them out of here. It's up to me to send them home and they were still behaving and having fun so I didn't rush them out of the yard. A few kids lingered until about 4:30 which was fine because they also helped pick up toys, rakes, sidewalk chalk and brooms.
The kids really had a great time and several of the kids asked me if we could do it again. Some of the guests had participated in the Impromptu Snow Party of 2004 and asked when I'd be having another of those.
Just waiting for a little snow, m'darlings.
I also managed to power-wash my house with some poison this weekend. I can't say that all of the box elder bugs are gone but the majority of them are dearly departed as of about 2pm today. I'll have to go shopvac the deceased out of the garden at some point this week.
I hope all of you had a fantastic weekend. I'm off to bed soon but not before I shake the leaves out of my own drawers.
Later.
Note to self: do not partake in the family tradition of Pumpkin Patches and Apple Orchards on the same weekend that you launch a new family tradition:
Leaf Pile Party
It took Boo Bear less than 60 seconds to fall asleep tonight and his sister wasn't far behind. I think there will be a lot of parents singing KathyHowe praises after their own little cherubs nod off tonight without incident.
It won't be long and I'll be zonked out too.
I can't believe how many leaves these kids can get stuffed into their drawers. My bathroom floor looked like it had a leaf party of it's own going on.
The highlight of the party was when my mop bucket mysteriously ended up out in the middle of the pond. I'm not entirely sure how it got there but I know my daughter played a small role in the event. I missed the photo opp as I rushed to the garage to get the snow rake to fetch out the pail of algae water before it sank too deep.
Have you ever tried keeping an eye on ten kids?
The party was scheduled to go from 1-3 but the locals are a tougher crowd to get rid of since nobody needs to fetch them in a car and haul them out of here. It's up to me to send them home and they were still behaving and having fun so I didn't rush them out of the yard. A few kids lingered until about 4:30 which was fine because they also helped pick up toys, rakes, sidewalk chalk and brooms.
The kids really had a great time and several of the kids asked me if we could do it again. Some of the guests had participated in the Impromptu Snow Party of 2004 and asked when I'd be having another of those.
Just waiting for a little snow, m'darlings.
I also managed to power-wash my house with some poison this weekend. I can't say that all of the box elder bugs are gone but the majority of them are dearly departed as of about 2pm today. I'll have to go shopvac the deceased out of the garden at some point this week.
I hope all of you had a fantastic weekend. I'm off to bed soon but not before I shake the leaves out of my own drawers.
Later.
Friday, October 14, 2005
I like it, I love it, I want some more of it...
Today is apparently Country Music day out in the blog world. Both of the TJ's have country music available to download on their sites.
Check out Zazzafooky and Monster Piggy Monkey Bubble for the goods.
Check out Zazzafooky and Monster Piggy Monkey Bubble for the goods.
Whisper sweet nuthins in my comments
I found this idea on Jennifer's blog and couldn't resist. Play along...
Perception vs. reality is a concept I ponder an awful lot. Explaining one reason why the following meme -- in which I invite everyone who regularly reads the silly drivel here at Kazoofus to describe me in one word and one word only -- appeals to me.
Some of my readers know me well, some know me in passing, a few hardly know me at all. Some are friends, some are acquaintances, some lurk in the shadows and never introduce themselves. Some of you have known me for what seems like years, some for a matter of weeks. Only a few of you have I ever met me face-to-face.
Which will make your perceptions all the more interesting. So. I'd like to ask all of you -- especially those of you who read but never comment -- to leave your one-word description of me in the comments. Please refrain from reading previous comments until after you've left yours, and do be completely candid. Brutal if it makes you happy.
I'll gladly return the favor if you like.
I'm starting a tribe.
I'm not typically a person that gets pissy about crappy-ass people around me but the last few days or so I've encountered some real dogdamn morons. Usually they just roll off me like water off a ducks back but this week they are getting on my last damn nerve. I've decided to start my own tribe and that requires me to steal something I once saw over on Ellemental.
Ladies and Gentlemen I bring you...
::drumroll::
Not My People, by Kathy Howe.
1. People that make excuses for every stupid thing. If I asked you to have something done by a specific time and it isn't done just tell me WHEN IT WILL BE DONE. Quit the song and dance routine and GIVE ME A COMMITMENT. If you'd SHUT UP with the excuses you could be GETTING SHIT DONE.
Not my people.
2. People who are disrespectful.
Not my people.
3. People that sue their own family members. Repeatedly.
Not my people.
4. People that don't pay attention to what they were just told and continue to ask the same question over and over and over and over and over and over.
Not my people.
5. Anyone with a constant case of Chicken Little Syndrome.
Not my people.
6. Anyone that acts like the world is out to get them.
Not my people.
7. People that feel the need to constantly cover their ass. What in the hell are you doing if you need to cover your ass all the time? Think about it.
Not my people.
8. Constantly critical people. If you don't have something nice to say shut the hell up.
Not my people.
9. People that would rather lie and avoid the truth than buck up take responsibility for their mistakes.
Not my people.
10. People that drive like assholes and honk their horns because the car in front of them isn't turning fast enough for them.
Not my people.
Tell me about your people.
Ladies and Gentlemen I bring you...
::drumroll::
Not My People, by Kathy Howe.
1. People that make excuses for every stupid thing. If I asked you to have something done by a specific time and it isn't done just tell me WHEN IT WILL BE DONE. Quit the song and dance routine and GIVE ME A COMMITMENT. If you'd SHUT UP with the excuses you could be GETTING SHIT DONE.
Not my people.
2. People who are disrespectful.
Not my people.
3. People that sue their own family members. Repeatedly.
Not my people.
4. People that don't pay attention to what they were just told and continue to ask the same question over and over and over and over and over and over.
Not my people.
5. Anyone with a constant case of Chicken Little Syndrome.
Not my people.
6. Anyone that acts like the world is out to get them.
Not my people.
7. People that feel the need to constantly cover their ass. What in the hell are you doing if you need to cover your ass all the time? Think about it.
Not my people.
8. Constantly critical people. If you don't have something nice to say shut the hell up.
Not my people.
9. People that would rather lie and avoid the truth than buck up take responsibility for their mistakes.
Not my people.
10. People that drive like assholes and honk their horns because the car in front of them isn't turning fast enough for them.
Not my people.
Tell me about your people.
Go ahead. Make my day.
I just checked my inter-office mail and found a package in my mail slot. I don't ever get mail, I'm not even sure what motivated me to go look in my mail slot but I'm so glad I did.
Waiting for me was a Candy Gram from my manager.
How cool is that!?!?!?!?
Waiting for me was a Candy Gram from my manager.
How cool is that!?!?!?!?
Sir Coughsalot
shhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Listen.
Do you hear that?
Silence.
That is the sound of Sir Coughsalot when he isn't coughing.
I overheard him mention that he went to the doctor yesterday. I don't know if he got himself a brand new shiney set of steel lungs or what but he isn't hacking his ass off anymore.
Thank dog.
Listen.
Do you hear that?
Silence.
That is the sound of Sir Coughsalot when he isn't coughing.
I overheard him mention that he went to the doctor yesterday. I don't know if he got himself a brand new shiney set of steel lungs or what but he isn't hacking his ass off anymore.
Thank dog.
Be a dear and fetch me a stomach pump.
I don't know what pangs me more: the fact that I lost the bet or the fact that I'm scheduled to give TLMS food poisoning. I still happen to like him. ALIVE.
Say a prayer.
Say a prayer.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
NaNo(KillMe)Wrimo
Dammit.
Where is everybody?
Usually this time of year everyone starts buzzing about NaNoWrimo but this year I haven't read a peep about it.
I'm on the fence about participating this year. I tried this once before and decided it was next to dogdamn impossible to write 1,667 words a day for 30 days and maintain a career, kids and house.
So what about you?
Are you in?
Are you out?
Do ya want me to scoot over and make room for ya up on the fence?
Where is everybody?
Usually this time of year everyone starts buzzing about NaNoWrimo but this year I haven't read a peep about it.
I'm on the fence about participating this year. I tried this once before and decided it was next to dogdamn impossible to write 1,667 words a day for 30 days and maintain a career, kids and house.
So what about you?
Are you in?
Are you out?
Do ya want me to scoot over and make room for ya up on the fence?
Random thoughts, dig?
1. I asked my son if his Spanish teacher ever speaks Engligh to him. He told me that he speaks English every day. I questioned this further because his Spanish teacher should only speak Spanish to him. Boo clarified, "He says 'no' all the time!"
2. TLMS and I have a bet. If he loses, I want a full body massage. If I lose he wants me to make him dinner from scratch. Why does that one feel like a lose/lose to me?
3. This weekend the family and I are having our annual Pumpkin Patch Day. The kids have also requested that we start a new tradition and have a Leaf Pile Party. I can't say 'no' to that.
4. The Boy earned brownie points yesterday for remembering the name of TLMS.
5. I'm having recurring dreams about calling 9-1-1 and getting a recorded message that the dispatchers are off duty and if I need further assistance I should call back the following Monday or stand at the end of my driveway and wait for a squad to happen by. I'm apprehending criminals in my backyard and can't get any back-up. WTF?
6. It annoys the hell out of me when children smell like cigarette smoke. Dear parents, cigarettes are DEADLY. Second hand smoke is DEADLY. Wise up.
7. The old Kazoofus might be coming back. Don't get too excited now, kids. I said might.
8. I recently decided in an effort to be more health conscious I would start parking at a lot that is a few blocks away from the office and cut down on coffee in the morning. Never mind that I'm averaging 2 slices of cheesecake a day this week.
9. Box Elder Bugs are not the least bit put off by Windex Outdoor Cleaner. I'm going with Iki's poison plan next. Bring me the RAID!!!!!!
10. One of my favorite songs on the radio these days is by Gwen Stefani's. It's called Cool.
2. TLMS and I have a bet. If he loses, I want a full body massage. If I lose he wants me to make him dinner from scratch. Why does that one feel like a lose/lose to me?
3. This weekend the family and I are having our annual Pumpkin Patch Day. The kids have also requested that we start a new tradition and have a Leaf Pile Party. I can't say 'no' to that.
4. The Boy earned brownie points yesterday for remembering the name of TLMS.
5. I'm having recurring dreams about calling 9-1-1 and getting a recorded message that the dispatchers are off duty and if I need further assistance I should call back the following Monday or stand at the end of my driveway and wait for a squad to happen by. I'm apprehending criminals in my backyard and can't get any back-up. WTF?
6. It annoys the hell out of me when children smell like cigarette smoke. Dear parents, cigarettes are DEADLY. Second hand smoke is DEADLY. Wise up.
7. The old Kazoofus might be coming back. Don't get too excited now, kids. I said might.
8. I recently decided in an effort to be more health conscious I would start parking at a lot that is a few blocks away from the office and cut down on coffee in the morning. Never mind that I'm averaging 2 slices of cheesecake a day this week.
9. Box Elder Bugs are not the least bit put off by Windex Outdoor Cleaner. I'm going with Iki's poison plan next. Bring me the RAID!!!!!!
10. One of my favorite songs on the radio these days is by Gwen Stefani's. It's called Cool.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
I am mother, hear me roar
*grumbles*
Voicemails from the crypt The Boy
I think half the reason The Boy doesn't read Kazoofus is because he is sick of me posting our phone conversations for all the world to see. To which I say: Hey Boy...try leaving me a NORMAL voicemail someday.
This is not normal:
(singing) "Rain drops keep falling on my head
That doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red
Crying's not for me... (end singing)
Ahhh...just kidding...
I thought I'd call you because after I win the powerball tonight I want you to watch to see if there are any changes in me. I don't want the money to change me, so I need you to be my barometer since you know me so well."
I told him I'd do it but only if he pays me Ken Barlow's hourly rate.
This is not normal:
(singing) "Rain drops keep falling on my head
That doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red
Crying's not for me... (end singing)
Ahhh...just kidding...
I thought I'd call you because after I win the powerball tonight I want you to watch to see if there are any changes in me. I don't want the money to change me, so I need you to be my barometer since you know me so well."
I told him I'd do it but only if he pays me Ken Barlow's hourly rate.
If his cough doesn't kill him, I will.
There is a guy that sits not to far from me at the office that claims he has allergies. Those pesky allergies are the cause of his absolutely horrendous cough according to Dr. Him.
He coughs all day long. I mean it.
All.
Day.
Long.
Oh wait no...that's not a cough it's a hack. He sounds like he could vomit any second.
It's really quite lovely to listen to all day.
He coughs all day long. I mean it.
All.
Day.
Long.
Oh wait no...that's not a cough it's a hack. He sounds like he could vomit any second.
It's really quite lovely to listen to all day.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Wha choo talkin 'bout, Willis?
Astrocenter must have me confused with some other Leo. This can't POSSIBLY be my horoscope.
October 11, 2005
People often see you as shy and reserved, Kathy, but of course we know that you're really very friendly once you're relaxed. Today you will find it unusually easy to interact with others. In fact, you feel downright gregarious and "bubble and chirp" with the best of them. This new, sociable you does wonders for your image. You've needed to loosen up a bit.
Shy?
Reserved?
Loosen up?
bwahahahahahaahaha...
October 11, 2005
People often see you as shy and reserved, Kathy, but of course we know that you're really very friendly once you're relaxed. Today you will find it unusually easy to interact with others. In fact, you feel downright gregarious and "bubble and chirp" with the best of them. This new, sociable you does wonders for your image. You've needed to loosen up a bit.
Shy?
Reserved?
Loosen up?
bwahahahahahaahaha...
Monday, October 10, 2005
Peace, baby. Peace.
I took the quiz over at Michelle's place and except for the comment about smoking pot I pretty much agree.
***********************************************
You are the Hippie!
You are 42% Rational, 71% Extroverted, 14% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant.
Characterized by a strong sense of extroversion, irrationality, gentleness, and humility, you no doubt frolic through fields preaching peace and love to all! You are probably either very spiritual or needlessly paranoid about "the man", like most hippies, as a result of your focus on intuition and feelings over cold, brutal logic. You are also very, very social. And like any hippie who would have no qualms about hitchiking across the country just to meet some interesting people, you also love to interact with others, even complete strangers. Because we know most any hippie is peace-loving and humble, it stands to reason that you, as well, are terribly gentle and humble, almost to the point of revulsion. Your carefree attitude of peace and harmony is probably very, very sickening to realists or cynics or anyone who isn't a hippie, to tell the truth. In short, your personality is defective because you are overly emotional, extroverted, gentle, and humble--thus making you an annoying hippie. And you listen to psychadelic rock and smoke a whole lot of pot. Okay, maybe not, but I wouldn't be surprised if you did.
To put it less negatively:
1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.
2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.
3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.
4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.
What are YOU!?!?
You are the Hippie!
You are 42% Rational, 71% Extroverted, 14% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant.
Characterized by a strong sense of extroversion, irrationality, gentleness, and humility, you no doubt frolic through fields preaching peace and love to all! You are probably either very spiritual or needlessly paranoid about "the man", like most hippies, as a result of your focus on intuition and feelings over cold, brutal logic. You are also very, very social. And like any hippie who would have no qualms about hitchiking across the country just to meet some interesting people, you also love to interact with others, even complete strangers. Because we know most any hippie is peace-loving and humble, it stands to reason that you, as well, are terribly gentle and humble, almost to the point of revulsion. Your carefree attitude of peace and harmony is probably very, very sickening to realists or cynics or anyone who isn't a hippie, to tell the truth. In short, your personality is defective because you are overly emotional, extroverted, gentle, and humble--thus making you an annoying hippie. And you listen to psychadelic rock and smoke a whole lot of pot. Okay, maybe not, but I wouldn't be surprised if you did.
To put it less negatively:
1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.
2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.
3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.
4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.
What are YOU!?!?
These are the posts that make my mother & grandmother proud.
The kids and I got home about 30 minutes ago. Dinner is in the oven in a delivery vehicle headed this way and the kids are outside playing. I just opened the door to snoop on what they are up to out there and noticed them playing with a jump rope.
My son instructed my daughter, "hold your end and I'm gonna count then we'll swing it together. Got it?"
She nodded and he began to count, "And a one! And a two! And a..."
OMG. My son just impersonated Lawrence Welk.
My mom and grandma will be so proud. Their years of Lawrence Welk torture sessions which are conducted with great regularity at family functions have finally taken effect with the youngest generation.
What is your older generations preferred form of family torture?
My son instructed my daughter, "hold your end and I'm gonna count then we'll swing it together. Got it?"
She nodded and he began to count, "And a one! And a two! And a..."
OMG. My son just impersonated Lawrence Welk.
My mom and grandma will be so proud. Their years of Lawrence Welk torture sessions which are conducted with great regularity at family functions have finally taken effect with the youngest generation.
What is your older generations preferred form of family torture?
Murphy, you bastard, you'll pay for this.
I just spent the weekend packing away all of my summer clothes. I even went the extra step of packing it away on VERY.HIGH.SHELVES.
Guess who just got word that she needs to dig out her summer duds and pack up for a few days in the ever-lovely but always blazing friggin hot Phoenix, Arizona?
Stoopid Murphy's Law.
Guess who just got word that she needs to dig out her summer duds and pack up for a few days in the ever-lovely but always blazing friggin hot Phoenix, Arizona?
Stoopid Murphy's Law.
Cheesecake is officially haunting me.
I was trying to find the website for Cake the band but nooooooooooo...the Cheesecake demons had to pop in and remind me I haven't had any cheesecake yet today.
I also don't have stock in Cheesecake but perhaps I should.
hrmpf.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
I'm burping cheesecake.
I cleaned the downstairs, mopped those floors, shook out the rugs and power-washed the backside of the house all before noon today.
I know it sounds impressive and ambitious but I have to confess that after the noon hour I did nothing but eat cheesecake and power-lounge in front of the TV.
In my bedroom no less.
After awhile my overalls felt a wee tiny bit snug so I pulled the closest thing to an Al Bundy in overalls that I could think of and switched into jammy pants at about 3pm.
It's been an unusually lazy day.
After two and a half slices of cheesecake I decided that there really is such a thing as too much of a good thing. I feel like there is a big dead weight in the pit of my stomache right now. At least this spares me from the need to cook something for dinner for myself.
*burps*
The kids are home and bathed and in their rooms reading stories now. I can tell they are exhausted so hopefully they will zonk out soon. I'm tucking in again myself.
I've decided that unlike cheesecake there's no such thing as too much of a nice warm cozy bed.
I know it sounds impressive and ambitious but I have to confess that after the noon hour I did nothing but eat cheesecake and power-lounge in front of the TV.
In my bedroom no less.
After awhile my overalls felt a wee tiny bit snug so I pulled the closest thing to an Al Bundy in overalls that I could think of and switched into jammy pants at about 3pm.
It's been an unusually lazy day.
After two and a half slices of cheesecake I decided that there really is such a thing as too much of a good thing. I feel like there is a big dead weight in the pit of my stomache right now. At least this spares me from the need to cook something for dinner for myself.
*burps*
The kids are home and bathed and in their rooms reading stories now. I can tell they are exhausted so hopefully they will zonk out soon. I'm tucking in again myself.
I've decided that unlike cheesecake there's no such thing as too much of a nice warm cozy bed.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Into everyone's front seat a little cheesecake must fall.
This weekend is both a kid-free and TLMS-free weekend for me. Kids are with their padre, TLMS is being a padre to his own kids. After seeing him every weekend for about the last three weeks or so I was a little concerned that the skills required to fly solo for a weekend may have escaped me. I have good news kids:
It's like riding a bike.
I haven't had an ounce of trouble filling my time in fact I'm a smidge surprised that it is 6pm already.
Time flies when you are a total busy body.
Last night I went to bed quite early and got some much needed rest. I woke up this morning, slowly dragged myself out of bed and eventually swept up the garage. I vaccuumed the upstairs, googled "box elder bug repellent" and eventually took a very long hot shower.
I rocked out to a CD, did some laundry, ran some errands and eventually made my way to a reunion party which was oodles of fun. That's how I ended up with an entire cheesecake parked in my front seat to bring home.
I'm not entirely sure the kids like cheesecake which makes me nervous because I very much like cheesecake and I lack skills in the willpower department. I haven't had dinner yet but I've had two pieces of cheesecake already.
If there is a trace of cake around when the kids get home tomorrow it will be a small miracle.
I was going to power-wash the siding on the house tonight but the sun is starting to set already *sobs* and I am not sure it is a good idea to run the garden hose just hours before the frost sets in. I'll save cleaning the siding for tomorrow I guess.
Tonight's agenda includes making something real to eat because this girl cannot live on cheesecake alone. I'm thinking real food this time too. Not cold cereal or cheese and crackers. I have these chicken things I could make that are very yummy.
I'm feelingdomesticated ambitious can ya tell?
I am also going to unpack winter gear and pack away the summer duds. I'm fairly certain my days of wearing tank tops while sledgehammering in the backyard are over for 2005. I also need to shake rugs and mop floors downstairs but that might be saved for tomorrow because tonight would be a GREAT night to curl up in front of the fireplace and do some journaling while listening to Loreena McKennitt.
I have priorities donchyaknow.
It's like riding a bike.
I haven't had an ounce of trouble filling my time in fact I'm a smidge surprised that it is 6pm already.
Time flies when you are a total busy body.
Last night I went to bed quite early and got some much needed rest. I woke up this morning, slowly dragged myself out of bed and eventually swept up the garage. I vaccuumed the upstairs, googled "box elder bug repellent" and eventually took a very long hot shower.
I rocked out to a CD, did some laundry, ran some errands and eventually made my way to a reunion party which was oodles of fun. That's how I ended up with an entire cheesecake parked in my front seat to bring home.
I'm not entirely sure the kids like cheesecake which makes me nervous because I very much like cheesecake and I lack skills in the willpower department. I haven't had dinner yet but I've had two pieces of cheesecake already.
If there is a trace of cake around when the kids get home tomorrow it will be a small miracle.
I was going to power-wash the siding on the house tonight but the sun is starting to set already *sobs* and I am not sure it is a good idea to run the garden hose just hours before the frost sets in. I'll save cleaning the siding for tomorrow I guess.
Tonight's agenda includes making something real to eat because this girl cannot live on cheesecake alone. I'm thinking real food this time too. Not cold cereal or cheese and crackers. I have these chicken things I could make that are very yummy.
I'm feeling
I am also going to unpack winter gear and pack away the summer duds. I'm fairly certain my days of wearing tank tops while sledgehammering in the backyard are over for 2005. I also need to shake rugs and mop floors downstairs but that might be saved for tomorrow because tonight would be a GREAT night to curl up in front of the fireplace and do some journaling while listening to Loreena McKennitt.
I have priorities donchyaknow.
These boots are made for walking.
I've talked about them a lot but I don't think I've ever posted a picture of them. They are my favorite boots and I think my name for them came from The Boy. He HATES these boots and if memory serves his comment to me when he saw them for the first time was "Gene Simmons wants his boots back".
The Boy is not generally a fashion critic so this was completely out of character for him. In the spirit of totally rubbing it in I decided to leverage his lapse in manners and name my favorite boots:
My Gene Simmons would be jealous boots.
I'm posting the picture for Michelle over at Smoochdog who has a thing for black boots. She also has what appears to be an interesting quiz on her site. Ya might wanna boot scoot on over there and take a looksy.
What's on your feet today?
The Boy is not generally a fashion critic so this was completely out of character for him. In the spirit of totally rubbing it in I decided to leverage his lapse in manners and name my favorite boots:
My Gene Simmons would be jealous boots.
I'm posting the picture for Michelle over at Smoochdog who has a thing for black boots. She also has what appears to be an interesting quiz on her site. Ya might wanna boot scoot on over there and take a looksy.
What's on your feet today?
Friday, October 07, 2005
No fair cheating
Fess up. Which one of you gave TLMS a copy of the KathyHowe Care and Feeding Manual?
I know he has it. He has to. In six weeks he hasn't made a single wrong move, in fact his moves are so shockingly RIGHT that I am starting to wonder if he has a wire tap into my head. Just this week he executed a move that cleared away a secret KathyHowe fear.
It's a little freaky to be perfectly honest with ya'all.
Random Last Man Standing thoughts:
1. TLMS proved himself to be of exceptional skill in the tease department last week when he sent me an email that read “I haven’t been ignoring you. My [other] email account is down. Actually I have been thinking quite a bit about you. Bet you’re wondering what?”
2. He earned himself SERIOUS brownie points recently for letting me know FOUR HOURS before we were scheduled to meet that he MIGHT be a few minutes late arriving.
3. To solidify his absolute uber-coolness in the R-E-S-P-E-C-T department he was right on time.
4. I think the thing that freaks me out the most about him is that I can’t find any flaws or red flags. Meanwhile, I’m shaking his hand on dates (moron girl) and I trash talked football before we ever met. It’s like an offensive tackle on the guys most beloved sport. Flag down!
5. I feel like we are getting close to a new milestone in our relationship. It won’t be long before one of us *ahem* is scraping snow & ice off of the others [dead sexy red] Durango.
6. The last time we went out we matched. Pale purple shirts and blue jeans and no we weren't at a football event. I wonder if he has anything in a zebra print.
7. We both have the same Air Supply CD. I don't feel like such a dork now.
Tell me some random things about someone in your life...
I know he has it. He has to. In six weeks he hasn't made a single wrong move, in fact his moves are so shockingly RIGHT that I am starting to wonder if he has a wire tap into my head. Just this week he executed a move that cleared away a secret KathyHowe fear.
It's a little freaky to be perfectly honest with ya'all.
Random Last Man Standing thoughts:
1. TLMS proved himself to be of exceptional skill in the tease department last week when he sent me an email that read “I haven’t been ignoring you. My [other] email account is down. Actually I have been thinking quite a bit about you. Bet you’re wondering what?”
2. He earned himself SERIOUS brownie points recently for letting me know FOUR HOURS before we were scheduled to meet that he MIGHT be a few minutes late arriving.
3. To solidify his absolute uber-coolness in the R-E-S-P-E-C-T department he was right on time.
4. I think the thing that freaks me out the most about him is that I can’t find any flaws or red flags. Meanwhile, I’m shaking his hand on dates (moron girl) and I trash talked football before we ever met. It’s like an offensive tackle on the guys most beloved sport. Flag down!
5. I feel like we are getting close to a new milestone in our relationship. It won’t be long before one of us *ahem* is scraping snow & ice off of the others [dead sexy red] Durango.
6. The last time we went out we matched. Pale purple shirts and blue jeans and no we weren't at a football event. I wonder if he has anything in a zebra print.
7. We both have the same Air Supply CD. I don't feel like such a dork now.
Tell me some random things about someone in your life...
Breaking up is hard to do.
I have had an interesting week. Beyond busy at work again...or should I say "still" and interesting opportunities have been coming my way for additional work.
Yesterday I found myself in an email exchange with someone I consider to be a very close friend and confidant. He is my Dear Abby and my Dr. Phil doubling as a source of priceless advice and the voice of "wake the hell up reason". Nothing gets past him ever and I appreciate him for that and I make damn sure to let him know that frequently.
Yesterday's email exchange was a series of silly emails between the two of us. Pure nonsense and silliness. It was a fun diversion from my otherwise rather productive & busy day.
I think one of the things I appreciate most about our friendship is that once upon a time we dated and long story short, he broke my heart. I hadn't felt sadness and hurt like that before. It was shocking, unexpected and painful. It took me a long time to recover from that and during my dating hiatus I would sometimes wonder if I would ever recover from it fully. Would I ever really be able to throw my heart on the line and risk that kind of sorrow with another person?
That heartbreak was many years ago but it has remained rather fresh in my mind all that time. The pain faded but I have analyzed the hell out of it many times over. I'll never fully understand what happened back on the day he dumped me. To be honest, it doesn't matter too much anymore because I know what happened as a result:
With time, and caution and a lot of silly emails we have created this very peaceful and oftentimes rather amusing co-existence. We live and breathe in the same universe and share it's ups and downs from time to time. We appreciate all that the other has to bring to the friendship table and call eachothers bullshit when appropriate. We have boundaries - both physical and emotional - and are cautious to never discomfort the other by crossing them. We have honesty, compassion and laughter between us now.
We didn't have all this before.
Breaking up with him was one of the hardest experiences of my life but in the long run it turned out for the best. He is my reminder that I cannot control the actions, ideas or feelings of another. No matter how great I may think something is there are no guarantees that anyone I spend my time with will agree with me. He is my reminder that hearts are fragile and I'm not exempt from hurt. That break up is also my reminder that if I am going to put my heart on the line I have to be brave enough to risk the consequences.
Our relationship absolutely didn't go as I had expected. From the day I met him to how it evolved over the years it has taken many different turns. I never anticipated any of the turns but as I look back I'm grateful for every one of them.
Through him, I have learned a lot about me. If the hurt and pain of our break up was a part of the path that got me to where I am today, then it was worth every tear and sleepless night that resulted from it.
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
~Douglas Adams, English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 - 2001)
Yesterday I found myself in an email exchange with someone I consider to be a very close friend and confidant. He is my Dear Abby and my Dr. Phil doubling as a source of priceless advice and the voice of "wake the hell up reason". Nothing gets past him ever and I appreciate him for that and I make damn sure to let him know that frequently.
Yesterday's email exchange was a series of silly emails between the two of us. Pure nonsense and silliness. It was a fun diversion from my otherwise rather productive & busy day.
I think one of the things I appreciate most about our friendship is that once upon a time we dated and long story short, he broke my heart. I hadn't felt sadness and hurt like that before. It was shocking, unexpected and painful. It took me a long time to recover from that and during my dating hiatus I would sometimes wonder if I would ever recover from it fully. Would I ever really be able to throw my heart on the line and risk that kind of sorrow with another person?
That heartbreak was many years ago but it has remained rather fresh in my mind all that time. The pain faded but I have analyzed the hell out of it many times over. I'll never fully understand what happened back on the day he dumped me. To be honest, it doesn't matter too much anymore because I know what happened as a result:
With time, and caution and a lot of silly emails we have created this very peaceful and oftentimes rather amusing co-existence. We live and breathe in the same universe and share it's ups and downs from time to time. We appreciate all that the other has to bring to the friendship table and call eachothers bullshit when appropriate. We have boundaries - both physical and emotional - and are cautious to never discomfort the other by crossing them. We have honesty, compassion and laughter between us now.
We didn't have all this before.
Breaking up with him was one of the hardest experiences of my life but in the long run it turned out for the best. He is my reminder that I cannot control the actions, ideas or feelings of another. No matter how great I may think something is there are no guarantees that anyone I spend my time with will agree with me. He is my reminder that hearts are fragile and I'm not exempt from hurt. That break up is also my reminder that if I am going to put my heart on the line I have to be brave enough to risk the consequences.
Our relationship absolutely didn't go as I had expected. From the day I met him to how it evolved over the years it has taken many different turns. I never anticipated any of the turns but as I look back I'm grateful for every one of them.
Through him, I have learned a lot about me. If the hurt and pain of our break up was a part of the path that got me to where I am today, then it was worth every tear and sleepless night that resulted from it.
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
~Douglas Adams, English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 - 2001)
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Batter up!
I played the 7 Questions Meme with Erica and here are the associations she made to me with my comments in italics:
RANDOM THOUGHT: Now having hung out with you several times (which, I agree, we should do that more), I have to say that you cuss a lot more than I initially thought you would. (I'm half Irish, half truck driver.)
SONG/MOVIE: The Vagina Monologues (If I were ever going to be in a one woman show this would absolutely be it.)
JELLO TO WRESTLE WITH ME IN: Strawberry. With mandarin orange slices. (The orange slices are because I'm from Minnesota aren't they?)
SOMETHING ONLY WE WILL UNDERSTAND: Next time I come over to your house, I expect to have onions with my dinner. (Not a friggen chance, honey but I *do* think I need to have another girls night at my place but I'm so not telling my dad this time.)
CLEAREST MEMORY: When we had lunch the first time, I think we both had on jeans, a red shirt, and a black leather jacket. (My gawd I think you are right).
ANIMAL: An owl. It's the smart and the glasses. But without the old. (Wow! Thanks! I would have never said that one for me but what a great compliment! You are right tho - without the old for sure).
QUESTION FOR ME: So, why *haven't* you gone into personal coaching as a career? (Again with the coaching thing. Yer killing me, Erica. *licks you anyways*)
Ok...so here is my response to her question:
I would love, love, love to be a personal coach. I think one of my favorite career gigs was teaching personal development classes. It was such fun watching people get excited about taking their personal strengths and expanding on them to be even better!
I have considered getting into coaching but the one thing that has kept me from doing it is that I believe it is really hard to find coaching clients that can afford a coach.
Everyone wants a coach.
Nobody wants to pay for it.
I've done the math over and over and for me to make what I make now I would need to either charge a LOT of money per hour or have about 80 clients per week. I've considered doing it on the side but I'm really not sure I want to make a commitment to a side gig at this point. I have had side gigs that sat on top of my regular 40 hour work week in the past and it was fine at the time but I'm kinda enjoying a regular work life right now.
That said...
There is a piece of me that absolutely craves the think outside of the box creative side of that personal development world. I really enjoy the interaction and watching my babies take flight is an indescribable personal thrill for me.
I think at some point in the future I will get back into working in the personal development arena and when I decide to make that leap, you'll be the first person I tell.
Now...gather round dear friends because in the spirit of this post I have a nosey little question for ya'all:
What is your strongest trait and how have you used it to your advantage?
Spill it...
RANDOM THOUGHT: Now having hung out with you several times (which, I agree, we should do that more), I have to say that you cuss a lot more than I initially thought you would. (I'm half Irish, half truck driver.)
SONG/MOVIE: The Vagina Monologues (If I were ever going to be in a one woman show this would absolutely be it.)
JELLO TO WRESTLE WITH ME IN: Strawberry. With mandarin orange slices. (The orange slices are because I'm from Minnesota aren't they?)
SOMETHING ONLY WE WILL UNDERSTAND: Next time I come over to your house, I expect to have onions with my dinner. (Not a friggen chance, honey but I *do* think I need to have another girls night at my place but I'm so not telling my dad this time.)
CLEAREST MEMORY: When we had lunch the first time, I think we both had on jeans, a red shirt, and a black leather jacket. (My gawd I think you are right).
ANIMAL: An owl. It's the smart and the glasses. But without the old. (Wow! Thanks! I would have never said that one for me but what a great compliment! You are right tho - without the old for sure).
QUESTION FOR ME: So, why *haven't* you gone into personal coaching as a career? (Again with the coaching thing. Yer killing me, Erica. *licks you anyways*)
Ok...so here is my response to her question:
I would love, love, love to be a personal coach. I think one of my favorite career gigs was teaching personal development classes. It was such fun watching people get excited about taking their personal strengths and expanding on them to be even better!
I have considered getting into coaching but the one thing that has kept me from doing it is that I believe it is really hard to find coaching clients that can afford a coach.
Everyone wants a coach.
Nobody wants to pay for it.
I've done the math over and over and for me to make what I make now I would need to either charge a LOT of money per hour or have about 80 clients per week. I've considered doing it on the side but I'm really not sure I want to make a commitment to a side gig at this point. I have had side gigs that sat on top of my regular 40 hour work week in the past and it was fine at the time but I'm kinda enjoying a regular work life right now.
That said...
There is a piece of me that absolutely craves the think outside of the box creative side of that personal development world. I really enjoy the interaction and watching my babies take flight is an indescribable personal thrill for me.
I think at some point in the future I will get back into working in the personal development arena and when I decide to make that leap, you'll be the first person I tell.
Now...gather round dear friends because in the spirit of this post I have a nosey little question for ya'all:
What is your strongest trait and how have you used it to your advantage?
Spill it...
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
The 7 8 Things Meme
I decided that I like the number 8 better than the number 7 so I'm adding to my 7 Things Meme.
1 more thing I plan to do before I die:
Complete NaNoWrimo
1 more thing I can do:
Ride a mechanical bull although it has been quite a long time.
1 more thing I cannot do:
Spend money frivolously.
1 more thing that attracts me to the opposite sex:
I like a guy that is bigger than me in width and height. Skinflints need not apply.
1 more thing that I say most often:
Get to bed and dont come out of your room unless you see flames, smell smoke or notice the sunrise.
Yet another celebrity crush:
Craig Kilborne. There. I said it. Are you happy?
Anything you would like to add?
1 more thing I plan to do before I die:
Complete NaNoWrimo
1 more thing I can do:
Ride a mechanical bull although it has been quite a long time.
1 more thing I cannot do:
Spend money frivolously.
1 more thing that attracts me to the opposite sex:
I like a guy that is bigger than me in width and height. Skinflints need not apply.
1 more thing that I say most often:
Get to bed and dont come out of your room unless you see flames, smell smoke or notice the sunrise.
Yet another celebrity crush:
Craig Kilborne. There. I said it. Are you happy?
Anything you would like to add?
Back off, ladies....he's spoken for!
Look what I got from TLMS today:
FORTY BUCKS FOR AN OIL CHANGE!?!?!?
He doesn't have to read my mind...just my blog.
FORTY BUCKS FOR AN OIL CHANGE!?!?!?
He doesn't have to read my mind...just my blog.
Even the nights are better
Stories like this make it darn hard for me to be in a shitty mood.
Tell me a great story from your life.
Tell me a great story from your life.
So in other words I should stop being bitchy?
Today's horoscope:
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
You could cause yourself problems by being negative. You have many serious issues on your mind, but don't allow these situations to flow into other areas of your life. Confusion surrounds relationships. You can be sure that you are not seeing the whole person. Tonight: Mosey on home.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
You could cause yourself problems by being negative. You have many serious issues on your mind, but don't allow these situations to flow into other areas of your life. Confusion surrounds relationships. You can be sure that you are not seeing the whole person. Tonight: Mosey on home.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Sometimes I get sick of talking about me
So I'm posting a meme about you.
Stolen from Keri, while she was drooling over John Cusack on her movie wall.
Leave your name in the comments and...
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll try to say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST.
I'll be posting my responses in the comments of this post.
Stolen from Keri, while she was drooling over John Cusack on her movie wall.
Leave your name in the comments and...
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll try to say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
I'll be posting my responses in the comments of this post.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Lucky number seven
A Meme about the number seven which I stole from Vicki when she was canning shit in her kitchen.
7 things I plan to do before I die:
7 things I can do:
7 things I cannot do:
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
7 things that I say most often:
7 celebrity crushes:
7 things I plan to do before I die:
- 1. Beat Buzz at a game of pool.
2. Learn how to change my own damn oil. I'm not saying I'll do it after I learn. I just want to learn how to do it so I can figure out what the hell the oil change boys are charging me $50 bucks for.
3. Drink a Tecate with J-Mo.
4. Hire a contractor that will make improvements on my house while I'm vacationing someplace warm and sunny.
5. Learn how to hang shit on my walls. Drill technology still escapes me.
6. Understand football or at the very least get tipsy and a few footrubs while trying.
7. Take a Home Depot class. I don't know on what but I've always wanted to go to one of their home improvement classes.
7 things I can do:
- 1. Pay for an oil change.
2. Order out like nobody's business.
3. Trust my intuition. I couldn't always do this and sometimes it isn't very easy but I can do it.
4. Teach an old dog new tricks. This summer Outlaw the Wonder
5. Multi-task although I prefer not to unless totally necessary.
6. Convince my kids to try new foods.
7. Swing a sledgehammer. Repeatedly.
7 things I cannot do:
- 1. Sew.
2. Tolerate whiners, pity-me people or rude people.
3. Forgive. I move on and I learn lessons from experiences but I do not have it in me to forgive people in certain circumstances.
4. Understand the justice system. Career criminals are a nuisance to society and their nuisance typically grows to the level that they become an actual threat to society. I think they should be shipped to Fucktard Island where they can be eatten alive slowly by creepy crawly things. Oh yea, I have strong opinions on this topic.
5. Move my couch. It's too damn heavy.
6. Get a tattoo. Needles make me so nervous they give me hives.
7. Change the lightbulbs in my kitchen without a ladder. TLMS can though.
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. Wit. There is something dead sexy about someone with a quick wit. This is a sign of intelligence too which is also incredibly attractive. I guess this would be a two-for-one answer.
2. A great sense of humor of course doesn't everyone say this? Zero points for originality on this one, Ms. Howe.
3. Smile. Not only should they have a great smile, they should smile frequently. Happy people float my boat.
4. Optimism. Have you ever been around a pessimist? I'll take people that walk on the brightside any day.
5. Highly motivated. Whatever it is they want to do, be it play baseball or change careers they should have the motivation to stop talking about doing it and actually DO IT.
6. Supportive. This isn't all about THEM you know. They have to know how to support me in good times and bad.
7. Good listener. I would never expect someone to read my mind. I will state quickly and clearly what I need. All I'm looking for is someone that can hear and respond to what I say.
7 things that I say most often:
1. Who left the dog in the front yard unattended?
2. Put your pants on, we have to GO!
3. Who wants pizza for dinner?
4. SMACKDOWN!!
5. Tie your shoes.
6. Fill 'er up.
7. In 2005 we continue to incoroporate enterprise-wide controls in the migration of...
7 celebrity crushes:
1. Richard Gere
2. Sandra Bullock
3. Tom Hanks
4. Keanu Reeves (zipit)
5. Greg Kinnear
6. John O'Hurley
7. Johnny Carson. How do you not love Johnny?
Staring at a blank white page.
I have been sitting in my desk chair staring at an empty page for at least five minutes. I have so many thoughts running through my head, so many things I want to tell you but I haven't figured out the starting point of all of this. Usually the beginning works but I'm not sure where all of this starts.
There is something that I believe to be true and that is the theory that like attracts like. Whoever I choose to be influences the type of people that end up in my life stories.
I remember many years ago reading "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer for the first time. At the point of that first reading I had recently made the decision that enough was enough - my marriage needed to end - but at the same time, while I knew in my heart of hearts that this was the absolutely right thing to do, I was breaking a promise. Breaking promises doesn't happen easily for me and I was about to break the promise of my wedding vows.
In good times and bad.
Until
death
do
us
part.
I spent a lot of time trying to rationalize the rightness of my decision to end the marriage. I knew it needed to be done, not just for me but for everyone involved it was the right thing to do. But I also knew that my sense of commitment runs deep through my veins. It is a strong part of my identity. I felt like in breaking my vows I had given up a piece of my identity.
I had to make peace with the fact that I was breaking a lifelong commitment I had made. This proved hard to do.
When I read "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, specifically the passage below, I had an AHA! moment.
"I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy."
That passage hit the heart of what I had been struggling with. I remember starting to cry and crying so hard with just the first sentence that I struggled to finish the passage.
My answer to that passage was yes.
I absolutely CAN disspoint another to be true to myself. In fact it isn't just that I can, I had reached a point where I knew I had to. I was not dead but I was dying inside. I had betrayed my own soul for way too long and I needed to reclaim who I was supposed to be.
Compose self, dab eyes, fix make-up, go forward...
Once I grasped the concept of like attracts like, once I made peace with the idea that I was being faithful to myself and had not become disloyal, I began thinking about who I wanted to really be.
I felt like I was suddenly very much in control of more than just my future - I was in control of my NOW. I dubbed myself the creator of my immediate destiny and assigned myself sole responsibility for everything that would happen in my life from that point forward. I also decided that I would not spend a lot of time sitting idle assessing what I wanted my life to look like. I would assess and act simultaneously.
I knew that I only wanted to spend time with people that enhanced me. People that brought out the best of who I was. People that would share my optimism and sense of fun. People who could and would laugh until their cheeks hurt and knew how to fully enjoy all the wonderfulness of a day to day life. I wanted people that could see that having more was not a materialistic thing but instead having more meant having more love and laughter and happiness than they ever imagined possible. I wanted people that were not on a constant mission for bigger or better or best. I would find people that were tickled to have everything they already had and grateful for every opportunity. I wanted people that sought wisdom and would view their wounds as lessons learned along the way.
The update to all of this, is that I was right dammit. Like does attract like and once I started being who I wanted to be I started to attract more people with those same qualities into my circle.
I also found that Oriah was right and that being faithful to myself began to quickly pay off. In being true to myself I found myself. I rediscovered a lost piece of me and have been repaid by that discovery over and over again in recent years.
I used to always say that the best time of my life was when I moved out to the east coast after high school. Now I say that was ONE OF the best times of my life.
The best time of my life is now. Today. Right here. Where I am at this very moment. This is the best.
And I sincerely hope that you can say the same.
There is something that I believe to be true and that is the theory that like attracts like. Whoever I choose to be influences the type of people that end up in my life stories.
I remember many years ago reading "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer for the first time. At the point of that first reading I had recently made the decision that enough was enough - my marriage needed to end - but at the same time, while I knew in my heart of hearts that this was the absolutely right thing to do, I was breaking a promise. Breaking promises doesn't happen easily for me and I was about to break the promise of my wedding vows.
In good times and bad.
Until
death
do
us
part.
I spent a lot of time trying to rationalize the rightness of my decision to end the marriage. I knew it needed to be done, not just for me but for everyone involved it was the right thing to do. But I also knew that my sense of commitment runs deep through my veins. It is a strong part of my identity. I felt like in breaking my vows I had given up a piece of my identity.
I had to make peace with the fact that I was breaking a lifelong commitment I had made. This proved hard to do.
When I read "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, specifically the passage below, I had an AHA! moment.
"I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy."
That passage hit the heart of what I had been struggling with. I remember starting to cry and crying so hard with just the first sentence that I struggled to finish the passage.
My answer to that passage was yes.
I absolutely CAN disspoint another to be true to myself. In fact it isn't just that I can, I had reached a point where I knew I had to. I was not dead but I was dying inside. I had betrayed my own soul for way too long and I needed to reclaim who I was supposed to be.
Compose self, dab eyes, fix make-up, go forward...
Once I grasped the concept of like attracts like, once I made peace with the idea that I was being faithful to myself and had not become disloyal, I began thinking about who I wanted to really be.
I felt like I was suddenly very much in control of more than just my future - I was in control of my NOW. I dubbed myself the creator of my immediate destiny and assigned myself sole responsibility for everything that would happen in my life from that point forward. I also decided that I would not spend a lot of time sitting idle assessing what I wanted my life to look like. I would assess and act simultaneously.
I knew that I only wanted to spend time with people that enhanced me. People that brought out the best of who I was. People that would share my optimism and sense of fun. People who could and would laugh until their cheeks hurt and knew how to fully enjoy all the wonderfulness of a day to day life. I wanted people that could see that having more was not a materialistic thing but instead having more meant having more love and laughter and happiness than they ever imagined possible. I wanted people that were not on a constant mission for bigger or better or best. I would find people that were tickled to have everything they already had and grateful for every opportunity. I wanted people that sought wisdom and would view their wounds as lessons learned along the way.
The update to all of this, is that I was right dammit. Like does attract like and once I started being who I wanted to be I started to attract more people with those same qualities into my circle.
I also found that Oriah was right and that being faithful to myself began to quickly pay off. In being true to myself I found myself. I rediscovered a lost piece of me and have been repaid by that discovery over and over again in recent years.
I used to always say that the best time of my life was when I moved out to the east coast after high school. Now I say that was ONE OF the best times of my life.
The best time of my life is now. Today. Right here. Where I am at this very moment. This is the best.
And I sincerely hope that you can say the same.
