Breaking up is hard to do.
I have had an interesting week. Beyond busy at work again...or should I say "still" and interesting opportunities have been coming my way for additional work.
Yesterday I found myself in an email exchange with someone I consider to be a very close friend and confidant. He is my Dear Abby and my Dr. Phil doubling as a source of priceless advice and the voice of "wake the hell up reason". Nothing gets past him ever and I appreciate him for that and I make damn sure to let him know that frequently.
Yesterday's email exchange was a series of silly emails between the two of us. Pure nonsense and silliness. It was a fun diversion from my otherwise rather productive & busy day.
I think one of the things I appreciate most about our friendship is that once upon a time we dated and long story short, he broke my heart. I hadn't felt sadness and hurt like that before. It was shocking, unexpected and painful. It took me a long time to recover from that and during my dating hiatus I would sometimes wonder if I would ever recover from it fully. Would I ever really be able to throw my heart on the line and risk that kind of sorrow with another person?
That heartbreak was many years ago but it has remained rather fresh in my mind all that time. The pain faded but I have analyzed the hell out of it many times over. I'll never fully understand what happened back on the day he dumped me. To be honest, it doesn't matter too much anymore because I know what happened as a result:
With time, and caution and a lot of silly emails we have created this very peaceful and oftentimes rather amusing co-existence. We live and breathe in the same universe and share it's ups and downs from time to time. We appreciate all that the other has to bring to the friendship table and call eachothers bullshit when appropriate. We have boundaries - both physical and emotional - and are cautious to never discomfort the other by crossing them. We have honesty, compassion and laughter between us now.
We didn't have all this before.
Breaking up with him was one of the hardest experiences of my life but in the long run it turned out for the best. He is my reminder that I cannot control the actions, ideas or feelings of another. No matter how great I may think something is there are no guarantees that anyone I spend my time with will agree with me. He is my reminder that hearts are fragile and I'm not exempt from hurt. That break up is also my reminder that if I am going to put my heart on the line I have to be brave enough to risk the consequences.
Our relationship absolutely didn't go as I had expected. From the day I met him to how it evolved over the years it has taken many different turns. I never anticipated any of the turns but as I look back I'm grateful for every one of them.
Through him, I have learned a lot about me. If the hurt and pain of our break up was a part of the path that got me to where I am today, then it was worth every tear and sleepless night that resulted from it.
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
~Douglas Adams, English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 - 2001)
Yesterday I found myself in an email exchange with someone I consider to be a very close friend and confidant. He is my Dear Abby and my Dr. Phil doubling as a source of priceless advice and the voice of "wake the hell up reason". Nothing gets past him ever and I appreciate him for that and I make damn sure to let him know that frequently.
Yesterday's email exchange was a series of silly emails between the two of us. Pure nonsense and silliness. It was a fun diversion from my otherwise rather productive & busy day.
I think one of the things I appreciate most about our friendship is that once upon a time we dated and long story short, he broke my heart. I hadn't felt sadness and hurt like that before. It was shocking, unexpected and painful. It took me a long time to recover from that and during my dating hiatus I would sometimes wonder if I would ever recover from it fully. Would I ever really be able to throw my heart on the line and risk that kind of sorrow with another person?
That heartbreak was many years ago but it has remained rather fresh in my mind all that time. The pain faded but I have analyzed the hell out of it many times over. I'll never fully understand what happened back on the day he dumped me. To be honest, it doesn't matter too much anymore because I know what happened as a result:
With time, and caution and a lot of silly emails we have created this very peaceful and oftentimes rather amusing co-existence. We live and breathe in the same universe and share it's ups and downs from time to time. We appreciate all that the other has to bring to the friendship table and call eachothers bullshit when appropriate. We have boundaries - both physical and emotional - and are cautious to never discomfort the other by crossing them. We have honesty, compassion and laughter between us now.
We didn't have all this before.
Breaking up with him was one of the hardest experiences of my life but in the long run it turned out for the best. He is my reminder that I cannot control the actions, ideas or feelings of another. No matter how great I may think something is there are no guarantees that anyone I spend my time with will agree with me. He is my reminder that hearts are fragile and I'm not exempt from hurt. That break up is also my reminder that if I am going to put my heart on the line I have to be brave enough to risk the consequences.
Our relationship absolutely didn't go as I had expected. From the day I met him to how it evolved over the years it has taken many different turns. I never anticipated any of the turns but as I look back I'm grateful for every one of them.
Through him, I have learned a lot about me. If the hurt and pain of our break up was a part of the path that got me to where I am today, then it was worth every tear and sleepless night that resulted from it.
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
~Douglas Adams, English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 - 2001)
2 Comments:
I reestablished contact with a first boyfriend of a long time ago. We became very good friends. It was amazing that the romance didn't last, but that after a long period of time, the friendship was still there. I feel honored
Cas
cassie-b@buzzstuff.net
http://cassie-b.buzzstuff.net
Sorry - I can only be an anonymous commenter at the moment
Gonna take this and apply it to my last job situation, without the silly emails :).
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