Dear Santa,
I know I have been remiss in writing lately but I wanted to take a minute to drop you a line. Oh, back off...so it's been like 28 years since my last post. I don't write to my grandma like I used to anymore either and I don't hear her complaining.
Anyhoo.
The reason I'm writing is because I'm not sure who else to really send this to. This doesn't seem like an appropriate note to send to the big dog upstairs but I might fly it past him a bit later on just for good measure.
Today is Yule Eve and the kids and I have a lot of festivities planned for this evening that I am very excited about. Feel free to browse about Kazoofus to read more on that subject.
The real reason I'm writing though is because tomorrow is Yule - the Winter Solstice - the real deal and when Keri invited me to join her and Mystical Marge in Stillwater for a semi-traditional Solstice celebration I could hardly say no. I was very excited to hear that we would be banishing our old unwanted baggage from our past into the burning fire.
I was equally excited to find out that we would be making new year wishes for the solstice as well.
I put zero thought into what these two things would be for me. I knew in an instant that I will be giving up my stockpiles of negativity and my wish for the new year was simply stated:
One True Love.
But I've been thinking about my wish for the new year and I feel kind of strange about it. I'm dating someone now and while not exclusively I'm also not out playing the field. At this early stage of a new relationship shouldn't I think he is my one true love? Shouldn't I be so ga-ga with dreamy visions of some perfect life together that I think that no doubt he and I will be together forever and ever amen?
Well.
I don't.
And that doesn't seem right to me.
I do have to confess that when I returned to the dating world I expected to be practically begging for dates and well it didn't work out that way did it? I have felt a lot of stress and pressure from the demands of being in demand and I don't think I will shock anyone when I say I have not enjoyed the spotlight.
Now that isn't to say that I haven't enjoyed myself because I very much have and I have met some really awesome guys in the process (take a bow TLMS). But part of me feels I dunno, maybe burnt out by all of this and maybe a bit unfullfilled.
I didn't want to become the most popular girl in school when I returned to dating and I certainly wasn't looking for a trip down the aisle.
I wanted to find someone fun to hang out with, someone that I could connect with and enjoy now and hopefully in the future as well.
Something just isn't right with my love life, Santa and I am really having a hard time putting my finger on it. I have been wondering if I might need to return to my dating hiatus full-time but part of me still longs to find that one true love.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe I actually found it and lost it.
Maybe for the new year, instead of bringing me one true love you could bring me some answers to questions like:
What is true love?
What does it feel like?
How do you really know when you have it?
Is it the way someone touches you?
Is it in their kiss?
Is it in the quiet moments of togetherness that you realize you've found it?
So you see Santa, I have a lot of questions and I'm hoping that you and the Missus can round up those elves of yours and stuff my stocking with some information.
Many thanks for your time and attention to this matter.
Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Yule and one helluva New Year.
Your friend,
Kathy Howe
Anyhoo.
The reason I'm writing is because I'm not sure who else to really send this to. This doesn't seem like an appropriate note to send to the big dog upstairs but I might fly it past him a bit later on just for good measure.
Today is Yule Eve and the kids and I have a lot of festivities planned for this evening that I am very excited about. Feel free to browse about Kazoofus to read more on that subject.
The real reason I'm writing though is because tomorrow is Yule - the Winter Solstice - the real deal and when Keri invited me to join her and Mystical Marge in Stillwater for a semi-traditional Solstice celebration I could hardly say no. I was very excited to hear that we would be banishing our old unwanted baggage from our past into the burning fire.
I was equally excited to find out that we would be making new year wishes for the solstice as well.
I put zero thought into what these two things would be for me. I knew in an instant that I will be giving up my stockpiles of negativity and my wish for the new year was simply stated:
One True Love.
But I've been thinking about my wish for the new year and I feel kind of strange about it. I'm dating someone now and while not exclusively I'm also not out playing the field. At this early stage of a new relationship shouldn't I think he is my one true love? Shouldn't I be so ga-ga with dreamy visions of some perfect life together that I think that no doubt he and I will be together forever and ever amen?
Well.
I don't.
And that doesn't seem right to me.
I do have to confess that when I returned to the dating world I expected to be practically begging for dates and well it didn't work out that way did it? I have felt a lot of stress and pressure from the demands of being in demand and I don't think I will shock anyone when I say I have not enjoyed the spotlight.
Now that isn't to say that I haven't enjoyed myself because I very much have and I have met some really awesome guys in the process (take a bow TLMS). But part of me feels I dunno, maybe burnt out by all of this and maybe a bit unfullfilled.
I didn't want to become the most popular girl in school when I returned to dating and I certainly wasn't looking for a trip down the aisle.
I wanted to find someone fun to hang out with, someone that I could connect with and enjoy now and hopefully in the future as well.
Something just isn't right with my love life, Santa and I am really having a hard time putting my finger on it. I have been wondering if I might need to return to my dating hiatus full-time but part of me still longs to find that one true love.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe I actually found it and lost it.
Maybe for the new year, instead of bringing me one true love you could bring me some answers to questions like:
What is true love?
What does it feel like?
How do you really know when you have it?
Is it the way someone touches you?
Is it in their kiss?
Is it in the quiet moments of togetherness that you realize you've found it?
So you see Santa, I have a lot of questions and I'm hoping that you and the Missus can round up those elves of yours and stuff my stocking with some information.
Many thanks for your time and attention to this matter.
Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Yule and one helluva New Year.
Your friend,
Kathy Howe
5 Comments:
Can you just tack my name on to the bottom of your letter to Santa? I have the same questions about love. I'm crazy about the guy I've been seeing for the last four months, but he recently told me he's falling in love with me and that made me seriously question what I was feeling. Am I falling in love? Should't that question be easier to answer? (Maybe it should be, but I've been hurt enough in the past to keep my emotions under tight reign.)
Anyways, just a line to let you know you're not alone, that it's not easy, and I wish you all the best in figuring it all out. (And if Santa writes back, let me know!)
For me, I knew it was right because it was (and still is) so easy. I also noticed that I felt very safe with him.
I don't know how to really define safe to you, but that's what I feel with hubby.
If anything should ever happen with us, now I know what *it* is supposed to feel like and I'm so happy about that. It gives me faith that I'll never EVER be in a bad relationship as long as I live.
Dear Kathy,
I hear these thoughts often on the island of lost toys, each one precious yet flawed in a way unique to themself and hoping for acceptance in world of seemingly perfect toys.
There is no right answer to your questions about how to feel when you are uncertain of your path and feel you owe yourself more handsprings.
Mrs. Clause and I agree that your popularity problem, that of being overly-pursued, is easily remedied by a rubick's cube or perhaps a nice chess board.
Sincerely,
Santa
"Is it the way someone touches you? Is it in their kiss?"
Nah, nah, nah. It's how you feel about him during those dry spells when you don't feel like touching or kissing each other. You're in that gray zone where nothing is clear about your relationships and I don't envy you that.
Maybe you're trying to over analyze a situation before it's time. Maybe Santa will drop you a line. Who knows?
Wow, this letter just stunned me with its Blog Honesty. Wow.
Will you tell us the answers when Santa brings them?
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