The Best of Kathy Howe :: Kids do the damndest things.
Keri reminded me of this post in a recent commment she left here. A great story...I plan to tell it at Boo Bear's wedding.
[Insert Witty Title Here]
It is not often that something happens in my world, something so significant that I do not even know where to begin at telling the story. So...I am going to start before the beginning which means WARNING: This could be a damn long post.
First let me introduce the cast of characters:
The first is me. I answer to the name Kathy Howe and frequently hold some tiny role in the stories of my life.
The second character is played by my darling 4 year old son. Frequently referred to as 'Boo Bear' I think it is safe to say he was the lead character today.
Next enter two dear and darling men that I have known and worked with for many years. Both are responsible for signing my paychecks for the work I do at one of their companies. Going forward we will refer to them as My CEO and My CFO.
First some history on My CEO and My CFO. When referred to jointly the reference for them is 'My Men'. I did not come up with that naming convention it was bestowed upon them by a female partner at the company that they own shares in. I frequently call into their corporate office looking for one or both of them. She is usually quick to tell me if My Men are in or out of the office at the moment. I think she is under the impression that I am somehow in charge of the boys. They sign my paychecks...I haven't received a raise lately...methinks I'm not in charge.
I digress...
While I consider both of My Men to be close personal friends they are, at the end of the day, still the people responsible for me receiving work from their company and seeing to it I get paid accordingly.
Earlier this week an ATTENDANCE REQUIRED meeting was scheduled by My CFO for himself, My CEO and I. It was scheduled for today and due to some scheduling snafus I was suddenly without daycare for Boo Bear at the time the meeting was to take place.
Knowing that this meeting was ATTENDANCE REQUIRED and that My Men are both dads, know Boo Bear and would not be the least bit put out by Boo Bears presence, I packed an extra bag of entertainment and snacks and headed off to my ATTENDANCE REQUIRED meeting.
My CEO found himself stuck in traffic so we made the decision to conference him into the call. The CFO brought in food so we went into the conference room where I placed my bags and Boo Bears bags at the end of the very long conference table. My CFO and I sat at the other end with the telephone between us.
Now, Boo Bear knows the Mommy Meeting Drill. It is this: No talking unless you are mommy. He has been to meetings with me before and he usually sits at the end of the table and draws pictures or eats a snack and occassionally sneaks into the laps of other attenddees.
Shyness is not in our genes.
This afternoon was no different. He drank a bottle of water and ate cheese and crackers, quietly amused by watching birds out the window. He eventually made way to one of his bags where he found a small pad of paper that he placed next to him.
After endlessly searching his bag for what I assumed was a writing utinsel he pointed at my purse. I nodded my head that he could go into by bag, again assuming he was after a pen.
I went back to the printed copy of the presentation before me, made some exceptionally brilliant comments and jotted a few notes when I glanced down at the end of the table.
Now. For those of you that do not know me let me paint you a picture:
I am 34 years old.
I weigh about 135 pounds.
I am around 5' 9".
I have been told that I have long legs.
Well...those legs had me from my end of the table to Boo Bears end faster than the speed of light.
When I glanced down the end of the table my darling Boo Bear was stacking my tampons as if they were fucking lincoln logs.
AAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!
I have never in my life moved that fast.
Without saying a word I JUMPED down to the other end of the table and very quickly collected my thinnnnnnnngs into my bag. I think I moved so fast that My CFO didn't even catch what the hell was going on. Meanwhile My CEO was on the phone providing his feedback on slide 12 in the presentation.
He could have said it sucked ass...I have no clue what he said.
I was otherwise occuppied.
The end.
[exit stage left with purse firmly secured to shoulder and one eye on Boo Bear]
[Insert Witty Title Here]
It is not often that something happens in my world, something so significant that I do not even know where to begin at telling the story. So...I am going to start before the beginning which means WARNING: This could be a damn long post.
First let me introduce the cast of characters:
The first is me. I answer to the name Kathy Howe and frequently hold some tiny role in the stories of my life.
The second character is played by my darling 4 year old son. Frequently referred to as 'Boo Bear' I think it is safe to say he was the lead character today.
Next enter two dear and darling men that I have known and worked with for many years. Both are responsible for signing my paychecks for the work I do at one of their companies. Going forward we will refer to them as My CEO and My CFO.
First some history on My CEO and My CFO. When referred to jointly the reference for them is 'My Men'. I did not come up with that naming convention it was bestowed upon them by a female partner at the company that they own shares in. I frequently call into their corporate office looking for one or both of them. She is usually quick to tell me if My Men are in or out of the office at the moment. I think she is under the impression that I am somehow in charge of the boys. They sign my paychecks...I haven't received a raise lately...methinks I'm not in charge.
I digress...
While I consider both of My Men to be close personal friends they are, at the end of the day, still the people responsible for me receiving work from their company and seeing to it I get paid accordingly.
Earlier this week an ATTENDANCE REQUIRED meeting was scheduled by My CFO for himself, My CEO and I. It was scheduled for today and due to some scheduling snafus I was suddenly without daycare for Boo Bear at the time the meeting was to take place.
Knowing that this meeting was ATTENDANCE REQUIRED and that My Men are both dads, know Boo Bear and would not be the least bit put out by Boo Bears presence, I packed an extra bag of entertainment and snacks and headed off to my ATTENDANCE REQUIRED meeting.
My CEO found himself stuck in traffic so we made the decision to conference him into the call. The CFO brought in food so we went into the conference room where I placed my bags and Boo Bears bags at the end of the very long conference table. My CFO and I sat at the other end with the telephone between us.
Now, Boo Bear knows the Mommy Meeting Drill. It is this: No talking unless you are mommy. He has been to meetings with me before and he usually sits at the end of the table and draws pictures or eats a snack and occassionally sneaks into the laps of other attenddees.
Shyness is not in our genes.
This afternoon was no different. He drank a bottle of water and ate cheese and crackers, quietly amused by watching birds out the window. He eventually made way to one of his bags where he found a small pad of paper that he placed next to him.
After endlessly searching his bag for what I assumed was a writing utinsel he pointed at my purse. I nodded my head that he could go into by bag, again assuming he was after a pen.
I went back to the printed copy of the presentation before me, made some exceptionally brilliant comments and jotted a few notes when I glanced down at the end of the table.
Now. For those of you that do not know me let me paint you a picture:
I am 34 years old.
I weigh about 135 pounds.
I am around 5' 9".
I have been told that I have long legs.
Well...those legs had me from my end of the table to Boo Bears end faster than the speed of light.
When I glanced down the end of the table my darling Boo Bear was stacking my tampons as if they were fucking lincoln logs.
AAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!
I have never in my life moved that fast.
Without saying a word I JUMPED down to the other end of the table and very quickly collected my thinnnnnnnngs into my bag. I think I moved so fast that My CFO didn't even catch what the hell was going on. Meanwhile My CEO was on the phone providing his feedback on slide 12 in the presentation.
He could have said it sucked ass...I have no clue what he said.
I was otherwise occuppied.
The end.
[exit stage left with purse firmly secured to shoulder and one eye on Boo Bear]
2 Comments:
hahahahahahahaha, this is just as funny the second time-- I still remember last year when this happened.
See? Doesn't matter that you haven't had your period in three years. Always be prepared so the kid has something to play with, that's what I say.
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