History Lesson: Part I

The Date

I was browsing my now offline archives of Kazoofus, specifically looking at the old posts about The Date and I decided that instead of trying to piece together parts of those to tell the story, I'd just rewrite it here.

My friendship with The Date started several years ago but it was 3 years ago that he asked me out. I still remember the date of our date:

October 18, 2002

I remember when he asked me out I, without a nanosecond of hesitation, said YES! I was so excited! I thought very highly of him and was most definitely attracted to him. I was a little taken back with the idea that HE would be interested in me though.

I once told him (this was prior to him asking me out) that my next husband would be so organized I would look like a loose cannon. He truly is that organized.

Think Dharma & Greg.

Two people who on the surface appear to be night & day. Dig deeper & you realize that you cannot have one & not the other.

Despite my inability to understand why HE would be interested in ME, there are clear lifestyle differences, I went on the date deciding it wasn't up to me to understand why, it was up to me to just simply accept it. Enjoy it. Have fun.

We went on our date, October 18th, 2002, and we had an incredible time. I once wrote on Kazoofus that it wasn't about what he wore, the car he drove or the food we ate, it was great because I was completely intrigued by what he offered from the inside.

We stayed up all night talking, just talking, all night long. We talked about everything from relationships to kids to divorce to spirituality, food, cars and more.

We were together probably 12 hours before he even kissed me and we never slept together. I had made a personal decision that I wouldn't sleep with someone on the first date and he respected that.

Our connection really starts on an intellectual level.

I once noted a quote from the movie Spanglish that reminded me of my date with The Date:

"It was a conversation of a lifetime."

After our date we continued to talk by phone and talked about when we might get together again. Everything seemed so WONDERFUL with the exception of one thing:

Me.

In the weeks before our date, during our date and in the days following the date I told him repeatedly that I was not interested in dating or in getting into a relationship.

The timing of this was terribly bad.

My ex had moved out just a month earlier and I had recently filed for divorce. The divorce was not going well - do they ever? I had one conversation with The Date where I explained to him that I didn't feel like my life at that point was a good foundation for a new relationship.

He didn't disagree.

I felt like I needed to work though that on my own but despite my words against dating, my actions with him were the exact opposite: going on a date, planning future dates.

Is it my fault he was irresistable?

Before we ever had date number two he phoned me up. He started the conversation by saying that this conversation was going to be unlike any we had had before.

And he was right. By the time the call ended I was so choked up with tears I could not speak.

He ended the relationship.

I remember him telling me that it was important for him to respect what I had been telling him. He agreed that this was not a good time for me to look for a relationship but reminded me that if I needed a friend, he would absolutely be my friend. But the romantic relationship for now was over.

After I hung up the phone I sobbed for hours and I didn't sleep a wink.

My ability to be logical about this was out the window.

I was distraught for weeks.

I was physically sick.

I missed work and when I was at work I was a dogdamn trainwreck.

After several days of trying to process through everything I asked him to meet me face to face so we could talk about what the hell happened. In the time that passed between our phone call and that day I was certain I had twisted things in my head. I had to hear him say the words again - I wanted to be sure that I didn't misunderstand anything and I wanted an opportunity to ask some questions.

He agreed and I choked back tears through the entire conversation. It was good to have that conversation because after a few days I was in a better position to hear him, to truly hear what he said.

What he said still hurt like hell though.

We left it with the idea that no bridges had been burned and maybe someday we could revisit this again.

After that day I didn't speak to him again for many months.

My heart has never in my life been that broken.