Self-fulfilling prophecies
In late 2001, on the old Kazoofus I penned a statement that claimed the next man in my life would be so organized he would make me look like a loose cannon.
My idea of being late to something is arriving five minutes before I am scheduled to be there. Typically when I go out I am early by 15 minutes or more and always, always, always the first to arrive.
Always!
I’ve met my match. The current stats on the dates with The Last Man Standing (TLMS) look like this:
Three weeks, four dates and he beat me to every single one of them.
I threw down the flag on one date declaring unfair advantage for the home team but he handed me a beer and gave me a foot rub and I couldn’t remember what in the hell I was protesting.
That train of thought done jump the tracks, man.
I’m sitting here wondering if after four dates with A.SINGLE.MAN I have to give up my self-appointed title as the Queen of Single By Design. The days of dumping men that I’m not even dating seem like the ancient history of a KathyHowe gone by.
I’ve been spot quizzing him on big topics and he’s passing with flying colors on everything.
Toilet paper – over or under? Over.
Cold pizza for breakfast – yes or no? Hell yes.
Would be willing to massage my feet during a football game? GO VIKINGS!
I feel like I won the lottery.
Vicki noted that when she was dating her husband, Rich, she was silently rooting about looking for the deal-breakers. Those critical flaws that you know you cannot live with. I continue to come up empty in the deal-breaker department.
Some of you have emailed me privately asking for more information on The Last Man Standing. I'm not going to share much here but I will share one thing. It is the first thing that attracted me to him - it happened before I ever met him live and in person.
From the get go he was very easy going. I wish I had the first email he sent me but I didn't save it. I do remember reading it and feeling as though I had received an email from someone I had known all my life. It was casual and friendly and didn't pepper me with 20 thousand questions about my idea of the perfect mate. If memory serves it didn't say much more than "how is your day going?"
After several emails back and forth that first impression of him continued. I even told my mom in a conversation that I really had no clue where it was heading, especially since I still had not met him face to face, but that there was something about him that made me feel like if nothing else, we would become great friends.
Several months ago a fellow blogger who shall remain nameless asked me what I thought the first five dates should look like in a new relationship. My answer was that the first five dates should not be filled with distractions like movies and rollercoaster rides. The first five dates should be casual and quiet allowing the dating duo to talk without interuption. I explained that if you cannot spend those first five dates talking and getting to know eachother without distractions, it will never last. Our first four dates have been casual and distraction-free. I am having a great time getting to know him.
Before I met TLMS face to face I bought the book I talked about in this post:
He's just not that into you: the no excuses truth to understanding guys by Greg Behrendt.
I read that book and I think as a woman I had a reaction to it that is probably quite different than most women.
I saw myself three years ago in the seat of the guy.
I didn't return calls, I tried finding subtle ways to dump men because I wasn't that into them and I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I saw the KathyHowe from three years ago and I was a little stunned. I felt like I was being bitch-slapped for not being ready to put my heart on the line but the authors were right: I was spending time with men that I wasn't that into.
I'm not going to get into all the reasons why I implemented the dating hiatus...been there done that...but as I look back to where I was three years ago, and how I feel now, I can say without a shadow of a doubt I NEEDED that three years. That time migrated me to a space where I can spend time with a great guy and not be overcome with thoughts of running out of fear of a broken heart. That three years put me in a space where I feel like I'm ready to deal with the ups and downs of a relationship with grace, logic and love. That three years taught me that I can be patient and take things slowly because some things are worth waiting for.
That three years taught me that I can do things on my own. I am self-sufficient. I do not need a man.
The past three weeks have taught me that it's ok to want something that I don't need.
Come And Let Me Look In Your Eyes, by John Denver
In searchin' for the way to go I've followed all the rules
The way they say to choose between the wise men and the fools
I listened to the words they say
I read what I should read
I do whatever's right to do
Try to be what I should be
The last time I saw TLMS he noted that when he entered into bachelor life he bought a coffee maker even though he doesn't drink coffee. He noted to a friend that someday, there might be someone that will want coffee at his house. Guess who drinks coffee every single day?
Self-fulfilling prophecies.
My idea of being late to something is arriving five minutes before I am scheduled to be there. Typically when I go out I am early by 15 minutes or more and always, always, always the first to arrive.
Always!
I’ve met my match. The current stats on the dates with The Last Man Standing (TLMS) look like this:
Three weeks, four dates and he beat me to every single one of them.
I threw down the flag on one date declaring unfair advantage for the home team but he handed me a beer and gave me a foot rub and I couldn’t remember what in the hell I was protesting.
That train of thought done jump the tracks, man.
I’m sitting here wondering if after four dates with A.SINGLE.MAN I have to give up my self-appointed title as the Queen of Single By Design. The days of dumping men that I’m not even dating seem like the ancient history of a KathyHowe gone by.
I’ve been spot quizzing him on big topics and he’s passing with flying colors on everything.
Toilet paper – over or under? Over.
Cold pizza for breakfast – yes or no? Hell yes.
Would be willing to massage my feet during a football game? GO VIKINGS!
I feel like I won the lottery.
Vicki noted that when she was dating her husband, Rich, she was silently rooting about looking for the deal-breakers. Those critical flaws that you know you cannot live with. I continue to come up empty in the deal-breaker department.
Some of you have emailed me privately asking for more information on The Last Man Standing. I'm not going to share much here but I will share one thing. It is the first thing that attracted me to him - it happened before I ever met him live and in person.
From the get go he was very easy going. I wish I had the first email he sent me but I didn't save it. I do remember reading it and feeling as though I had received an email from someone I had known all my life. It was casual and friendly and didn't pepper me with 20 thousand questions about my idea of the perfect mate. If memory serves it didn't say much more than "how is your day going?"
After several emails back and forth that first impression of him continued. I even told my mom in a conversation that I really had no clue where it was heading, especially since I still had not met him face to face, but that there was something about him that made me feel like if nothing else, we would become great friends.
Several months ago a fellow blogger who shall remain nameless asked me what I thought the first five dates should look like in a new relationship. My answer was that the first five dates should not be filled with distractions like movies and rollercoaster rides. The first five dates should be casual and quiet allowing the dating duo to talk without interuption. I explained that if you cannot spend those first five dates talking and getting to know eachother without distractions, it will never last. Our first four dates have been casual and distraction-free. I am having a great time getting to know him.
Before I met TLMS face to face I bought the book I talked about in this post:
He's just not that into you: the no excuses truth to understanding guys by Greg Behrendt.
I read that book and I think as a woman I had a reaction to it that is probably quite different than most women.
I saw myself three years ago in the seat of the guy.
I didn't return calls, I tried finding subtle ways to dump men because I wasn't that into them and I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I saw the KathyHowe from three years ago and I was a little stunned. I felt like I was being bitch-slapped for not being ready to put my heart on the line but the authors were right: I was spending time with men that I wasn't that into.
I'm not going to get into all the reasons why I implemented the dating hiatus...been there done that...but as I look back to where I was three years ago, and how I feel now, I can say without a shadow of a doubt I NEEDED that three years. That time migrated me to a space where I can spend time with a great guy and not be overcome with thoughts of running out of fear of a broken heart. That three years put me in a space where I feel like I'm ready to deal with the ups and downs of a relationship with grace, logic and love. That three years taught me that I can be patient and take things slowly because some things are worth waiting for.
That three years taught me that I can do things on my own. I am self-sufficient. I do not need a man.
The past three weeks have taught me that it's ok to want something that I don't need.
Come And Let Me Look In Your Eyes, by John Denver
In searchin' for the way to go I've followed all the rules
The way they say to choose between the wise men and the fools
I listened to the words they say
I read what I should read
I do whatever's right to do
Try to be what I should be
The last time I saw TLMS he noted that when he entered into bachelor life he bought a coffee maker even though he doesn't drink coffee. He noted to a friend that someday, there might be someone that will want coffee at his house. Guess who drinks coffee every single day?
Self-fulfilling prophecies.
6 Comments:
Awww, KathyHowe, this does my heart good (kinda like red wine from what I understand...)
Until now, I thought *I* had the last man standing. I'll choose not to tell him of the update. ;)
There are Good Guys and there are Great Guys and in rare occasions, there are those Freaking Outstanding Do-Gooders Great Guys. Sounds like you found one of those rare occasions FODGG Guys. :) I have one of those. They are awesome.
Good for you Kathy.
awesome!
*giddy*
Why doesn't your site feed to my bloglines? I am MISSING all this good last man standing always on time, has a coffee maker, runs your feet stuff. I hope it keeps going well and I can get your site back to feeding your life into my bloglines!
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